


we could be gigantic

by elanev91



Series: we could be gigantic [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, E-mail, F/M, Liverpool, London, Texting, also I decided to finally do the cliche thing and name a fic with lower case song lyrics, those last two are kind of in there but like not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 12:05:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13926795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elanev91/pseuds/elanev91
Summary: Lily and James have been best friends since they were kids. Uni, a band, a trip abroad, a few tours and a couple of albums later, things start to change. Half an email fic, half a regular ol' narrative.





	we could be gigantic

**Author's Note:**

> It’s entirely possible that you’ll hate this fic because it’s like 50% emails. But I’m in love with it, so hate it all you want. I love it enough for all of us. 
> 
> Also I want to be sorry about working on this instead of Eligible, but I’m really, really not. I’ll finish that shit eventually. 
> 
> Also I might’ve been a bit heavy handed with my source material. Count my fucks.

Remus, on the whole, is not at all amused, but James can't bring himself to care as they pull off Pacific Coast Highway into a dirt carpark on the Oregon-California border.

They have a schedule to meet, especially if James is going to insist that they go "cactus hunting" tomorrow — he is — and so James at least tries to be quick about it as he drags Sirius out of the van and through the brush on the other side of the barrier between the path they're walking and the motorway.

It's worth risking his life, getting this picture for her. He misses her, so much, and this, this small gesture, is about what he can do to let her know just how much he's thinking about her.

He's said goodbye to her more times than he can count — when she left for uni, when he and the band went to Japan, when they went on tour, when he locked himself up in the studio in Liverpool and refused to surface for months. They kept saying goodbye, kept missing each other, and sometimes they were so close that he could almost taste it, but they were always just missing the mark.

But now, _now,_ he's standing here next to this welcome sign, making a complete fool of himself beside the motorway, and all he can think about is her smile and bloody hell, he can't wait to be home.

* * *

_To: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk)_

_From: Lily Evans (le7@soas.ac.uk)_

_Date: 3 October 2003 13:26_

_Subject: re: killin it in london yet evans?_

_Yeah, I miss home a little bit — alright, I miss it a lot. I know you knew I was lying, I dont know why I even bother trying with you. I could feel you looking at me in that way you do through the computer and I want you to know that I'm glaring at you._

_I love London, don't get me wrong. I'm happy I'm here. I just… I don't know. I miss Liverpool. I miss 1£ pints. I miss you dragging me to Penny Lane every other week and having a cry (lmao). I have my own dirty river here, but it isn't the Mersey._

_I don't know, it's weird, the things that I ended up missing. I even miss listening to you bang on about bloody football, and you know I don't care about that._

_But okay, so SOAS. I've only been here the week (or ten days — whatever), but I swore I'd tell you everything, so here we are._

_The talks on the first day were about what I expected (boring), but my department talk… god, James, you would have made fun of me. I was so excited. All the faculty are as impressive as I remember and my tutors all seem fucking brilliant._

_I was kind of a recluse on Monday. Just went to all those intro talks about things like 'how to use the library' and 'how not to be broke by the start of second term' — it wasn't fun, but I promised Dad I'd be responsible and I know he worries. Can you actually pop round his in a week? Tell him I say hi and just check up on him? Now that I'm gone, I worry about him being all alone._

_On Tuesday, I relaxed a bit more. I went to the information fair and (please don't make fun of me) a talk on living with flatmates without killing each other (and, oh my god, okay also a talk about how to study a language alongside my degree and I know that you're rolling your eyes at me because I'm already taking on so much but I can't help it okay), but I went to a pub quiz in the evening, so I balanced it out. I know that it's basically high treason to do a pub quiz without you, but I went. I'm glad I did because I made my first friend! I think we're friends, at least. We get lunch and go to the library together and we've exchanged mobile numbers, so I reckon we're friends. Her name is Dorcas Meadowes, she's as sarcastic as they come, she's basically fluent in Korean, and she's the fucking coolest. Her girlfriend Marlene is doing a course on engineering at King's and I met her on Friday because Dorcas and I didn't feel like going to the performance that they'd scheduled, and, of course, Marlene is as cool as Dorcas is. And then once the term properly started, I met a girl called Mary in my Comparative Politics mod. She's from Scotland and so we bonded a bit about life further north._

_I know you said that I'd find friends, but I don't know…. I was worried I wouldn't. Stop rolling your eyes at me, you git._

_Enough about me — how's your professional mod going? Write anything good in songwriting yet? I haven't had anything in my inbox for ages and I'm starting to get a bit desperate. How're Euphemia and Fleamont? Tell them I say hello and thank them for the package they sent me the other day. They really didn't need to do that (especially because my flatmates found me crying over a box of biscuits and it was as bloody embarrassing as you're thinking)._

_Alright, I've been writing this damn email for ages. I've got to go and revise for Analysis — I've got an exam next week (yes, already). And call me later this week about a visit — I'll have to look up the train schedule, but I think we can sort something out in between terms? Or maybe over a weekend or something._

_Give Liverpool my best. Tell her I'll be home soon._

_Love and miss you,_

_Lily xxxxxx_

_Ps. When are you going to update your texting plan? Fifty messages a month isn't nearly enough._

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (le7@soas.ac.uk)_

_From: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk)_

_Date: 13 December 2003 20:38_

_Subject: we survived!_

_Well alright maybe that remains to be seen because I know you have that last exam tomorrow. But you're going to survive it, Evans, I have faith. You're brilliant. Fucking brilliant._

_And if you feel like you might die, just remember that as soon as that exam is over, you're going to get onto a train and you're going to see me! ME. Two and a hlaf hours after that exam, I'll be scooping you up in the biggest damn hug of your life and we'll head straight to Rigbys — so you just keep that in the back of your mind, Evans, and I know you'll be alright._

_I'll keep this short becuase I'm sure you're reading it in the middle of your revising — Mum wants to know if you and DEvans want to come over for Christmas dinner at ours. She said, 'I know John won't want to impose, but just tell Lily to tell him that we're worried we'll have too much food or something.' So tell him that I guess. You know I always love having you over for Christmas, so try and mkae it happen ok?_

_Sirius and Remus are both excited to meet you, but Sirius especially. He hasn't stopped talking about these "plans" he has and im not going to lie, I'm a little terrified. I told him he has to be nice, but as I'm sure you've gathered from our chats about him, he likes a bit of fun (esp at my expense). I think that this is my punishment for talking about you all the time._

_Alright alright alright, enough reading this damn email. Get back to your revising you layabout. I have some revising of my own to be doing… and, if you text me tonight and tell me that you had a good revision, you might have a present in your inbox tomorrow morning._

_Love, James xxxx_

_Ps — we also named the band (finally, I know it took fucking ages). I'll tell you that in your present email, too :)_

_Pps — DEvans absolutely IS still hilarious, I don't care what you say_

* * *

_SMS Messaging_

_14 December 2003 - 18:34_

_Lily Evans: where are you I dont see you anywhere_

_Lily Evans: god damn it James you better be here I do NOT feel like taking the bus all the way home_

_James Potter: look to your left you prat_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (le7@soas.ac.uk)_

_From: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk)_

_Date: 3 April 2004 01:57_

_Subject: can you give this a listen?_

_Attachment: newsong.mp3_

* * *

_To: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk)_

_From: Lily Evans (le7@soas.ac.uk)_

_Date: 3 April 2004 07:13_

_Subject: re: can you give this a listen?_

_HOLY FUCKING SHIT JAMES_

_THIS IS FUCKING STELLAR_

_MORE. NOW._

_I'M GOING TO CALL YOU RIGHT NOW SO THAT YOU CAN HEAR ME SCREAMING ABOUT HOW GOOD IT IS. I'M ONLY EMAILING YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'LL GET WEIRD ABOUT THIS AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE AND YOU'LL NEED WRITTEN EVIDENCE THAT THIS FUCKING SONG IS BRILLIANT._

_OKAY LOVE YOU TALK SOON (BEFORE YOU EVEN READ THIS EMAIL PROBABLY)_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (le7@soas.ac.uk)_

_From: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk)_

_Date: 7 May 2004 17:13_

_Subject: re: re: WE HAVE GIGS?_

_ok so I know that you're still in that mod you have tonight (interantional relations? glocal history? I can't fucking remember — anyway) but o my fucking god Evans I'm freaking out a little bit_

_I would just text you, I should probably ust text you, but we were texting so much the other day and I have to call my fucking provider and see how many I have left and you're in your module anyway and so — look, don't rub this in my face, okay, but I think you were right and I should probably get more texts becuase if it means that I can't talk to you it's just not fucking worth it._

_Remind me to call them tomorrow when I'm off this weird anxiety high_

_Speaking of — anxiety high. Evans, we have a gig tonight. A GIG. And I know that you already know this and I know that I was excited about it two weeks ago when I emailed you about this and I know that I was all like 'WE'RE GOING TO SMASH IT' and somewhere in my head I'm sure taht I still feel like that, but right now in the fornt of my head it's just me freaking the fuck out so loudly htat I can't fucking focus on anything_

_Ok….. I'm trying to think what I think you'd do if you were here becuase this is really fucking unhelpful. YOu'd grab me by the shoulders and I'd laugh about how much you had to reach and you'd frown until I stopped laughing. Then you'd say something way too nice, something about how you believe in me, about how you've loved everything I've written and that of course everyone else is going to love it and I would tell you to stop complimenting me but you would know I really didn't mean it and you would keep doing it and then you'd make fun of me for blushing but then you'd give me a hug and everything would be ok._

_Ok_

_I feel a bit better._

_Yeah, I definitely feel better._

_Alright, thanks for talking me down, Evans ('but I didn't!' — you did). I only wish that you could be there to see us tonight. THIS ISN'T TO GUILT YOU SO DON'T YOU DARE START FEELING BAD_

_And, anyway, I uh… we might be doing a show a bit closer to where you are soon. I'm still watiing to hear back from the guy that owns the place, btu cross your fingers for me_

_Alright fuck I really gotta go. Love you, Evans xxxxxxx_

* * *

_SMS Messaging_

_7 May 2004 - 17:59_

_Lily Evans: hey! You home tonight? James' band is playing at Krazyhouse and I know he'd love to see a familiar face. Talk soon? Xx_

_Kath Crawley: yes! I could use the revising break anyway! Thanks :) x_

_7 May 2004 - 18:02_

_Lily Evans: hey! You home tonight? James' band is playing at Krazyhouse and I know he'd love to see a familiar face. Talk soon? Xx_

_Emma Vance: really?! omg Im definitely going. I'll tell him you say hi ;)_

_Lily Evans: you know it isn't like that, Em_

_Emma Vance: sureeee_

_Lily Evans: just let me know how the show is, you prat_

_Emma Vance: will do love xx_

_7 May 2004 - 18:09_

_Lily Evans: hey! You home tonight? James' band is playing at Krazyhouse and I know he'd love to see a familiar face. Talk soon? Xx_

_Alec Hardy: brill! let potter know ill be there x_

_8 May 2004 - 00:04_

_James Potter: Evans. How can I even BEGIN to thank you Evans? I'll call you tomorrow and try. I hope you're getting the best sleep of your life - love you_

_00:06_

_James Potter: fuck, Lily, thank you so much. Thank you thank you thank you_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (le7@soas.ac.uk)_

_From: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk)_

_Date: 3 October 2004 08:52_

_Subject: check your post today_

_Call me when you get it_

_xxxxxx_

* * *

_To: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk)_

_From: Lily Evans (le7@soas.ac.uk)_

_Date: 8 December 2004 02:14_

_Subject: re: re: IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR YOU TO COME HOME_

_EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT HOW HARD THE FIRST YEAR OF UNI IS BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SECOND YEAR_

_AND OH MY GOD WHAT IF THE THIRD YEAR IS JUST AS HARD_

_JAMES I'M GOING TO DIE_

_I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED MY DISSERTATION YET_

_OH MY GOD_

_I HAVE TO GO BACK TO REVISING SO I CAN'T SIT HERE FOREVER BUT I WANT YOU TO HAVE SOME FINAL WORDS FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND —_

_I LOVE YOU REMEMBER ME FONDLY_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (le7@soas.ac.uk)_

_From: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk)_

_Date: 8 December 2004 09:23_

_Subject: re: re: re: IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR YOU TO COME HOME_

_You are never EVER allowed to say tha tI'm the dramatic one ever again_

_And hey — I know that it's difficult, but Evans. EVANS. You're the cleverest fucking person I know. If anyone can do it, it's you. I know it's hard, but they wouldn't have let you in if they didn't think you could do it._

_I'll see you next week, ok? I'll pick you up at the train, just like last year, and then we can go and get absolutely fucking pissed at Rigbys (also like last year) and forget all about that fucking war mod and Middle Eastern politics and everything else you've got rolling around in your head right now._

_Keep your head up, Evans. I'll see you soon._

_Love, James xxxxxxx_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (le7@soas.ac.uk)_

_From: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk)_

_Date: 1 May 2005 11:19_

_Subject: Fwd: The Windmill_

_So…. how far away is Brixton from where you are?_

_Don't laugh at me, Evans, I know nothing about London._

_Come see us — we'll take the train back to Liverpool together? You're done right after right (like I don't know your whole schedule by heart…..)_

_OH MY GOD OK IM SO TIRED OF PRETENDING TO BE RLEAXED ABOTU THIS_

_WE GOT A THIRTY MINUTE SET. THIRTY. EVANS!_

— _begin forwarded message —_

_To: James Potter (jpott@lipa.ac.uk); Remus Lupin (rlupi@lipa.ac.uk); Sirius Black (sblac@lipa.ac.uk)_

_From: Frank Longbottom (thewindmilllondon@yahoo.com)_

_Date: 1 May 2005 11:15_

_Subject: The Windmill_

_How's the 15th June? Second act — thirty minute set._

_Let me know —_

_Frank_

* * *

_To: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_From: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_Date: 9 January 2006 09:14_

_Subject: How am I already stressed?_

_I've been back for five minutes and I already miss you so much._

_My day is, as Mondays are, completely mad, but can I call you tonight? I've got to do a bit of work on my dissertation (ugh), but I should be back from the library around eight? Maybe nine._

_Actually, just call me at eight and tell me to go home. I'll stay at the library all night otherwise._

* * *

_To: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_From: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_Date: 16 July 2006 21:12_

_Subject: Japan_

_How's Japan?! Are you having the time of your lives? Send me pictures! You promised you would and yet here I am, in my inbox, and not a picture in sight. Strange….._

_Though maybe I'm being a bit harsh — I know that you guys have been in the studio nonstop since you got there last month, so maybe you didn't have any time to take my pictures. Though you DID leave without saying goodbye, so…. At least send me a picture of your handsome faces inside the studio so I know that you're still alive. You know I worry._

_Jesus christ, James, am I becoming my dad?! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god._

_Anyway! I know that I already texted you to tell you this, but that song you sent me last week. James. It's fucking stunning. I spent the afternoon dancing around my office (well, doing a very, very subtle version of chair dancing because the last thing I need is for Hestia to walk in and find me dancing the way that I WANT to be dancing while listening to this song). I even listened to it the whole way home on the tube that night — I cannot stop fucking listening to it! IT'S STUNNING._

_I want to tell you to send me more even though I know that I shouldn't pressure you. But as your best friend (yes, tell Sirius that I am still your best friend), I think that I have the right to pressure you a little bit? At least tell you that every day that I go without a new song in my inbox is a day that I die a little inside._

_I can practically see you running a guilty hand through your hair right now — relax. I'm only kind of kidding. ;)_

_Let's set up a time to talk soon. We'll have to figure out timezones… you know I've always been shit at maths, but I'm confident that we can figure it out. I miss having you in GMT with me, it was a lot easier to pester you. I've been working crazy hours at the office (take on the responsibilities for the job you want and all that….) and Dave has been… I don't know, he's just been extra clingy lately. Though, I don't know, Dorcas says that he isn't being any clingier than usual, that maybe I'm just over it and Dave wanting to spend time with me just seems clingy because I want to be alone._

_But I do love him. At least I think I do._

_Fuck, James, I don't know. I wish you were here — you always know where my head is at before I do. I'd like for you to meet him anyway. He's a really great guy, you'd love him. I'm not sure what my problem is._

_Alright enough of this sad shit. I'll figure it out, I always do. Maybe we just need to re-energise things. If you have suggestions, let me know._

_But seriously (siriusly? ha!) let's talk soon — you're…. Fuck, I just googled it. You're nine hours ahead of me. Okay, okay, okay, who cares. We'll figure it out. Maybe I can call you on my way into work? Or while I'm on lunch? Or on your way into the studio? Your morning time is late for me but I don't care, I'll make it work. I miss you and I miss your stupid voice._

_Love,_

_Lily xxxxxxxxx_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 29 August 2006 16:34_

_Subject: re: re: cats galore!_

_I don't know, Sirius just said it was "vital for his process". Remus and I both agreed that it was absolutely mad, BUT we did completley kill it when we got back to the studio later so maybe he was right all along._

_Never ever tell him I said that._

_I'm sorry to hear about you and Dave, Evans — sometimes things just don't work out. And you are NOT a bad person or a child or an idiot. You just aren't ready for what he's ready for. Or you don't want those things with him. Or you don't want them ever._

_It's ok to be on different pages, Evans. It doesn't make you a bad person to break up with someone, no matter how great they are. It just means it isn't right. Not with that person, not at that time…. It has nothing at all to do with how wonderful you are. And believe me, Evans, you ARE wonderful._

_And you know that you can always call me whenever you need me. I don't care if it's 3am my time or you think I'm in the studio — just call me, Evans. I will always, always answer._

_Love, James xxxxxxx_

_Ps. I know you hate waking up early and I'm really sorry, but I'm going to call you tomorrow at 615 yours. Just put me on speaker, I want to play you something before we leave the studio (especially because I reckon you need it)_

_Pps. Can I just say, again, how proud I am of you?_

* * *

_To: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_From: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_Date: 17 December 2006 16:02_

_Subject: re: re: Christmas?_

_Are you sure your parents don't mind having me there? I KNOW, 'Shut up, Evans,' but you know that I have to ask._

' _You're too English for your own good, Evans, my god.'_

_Shut uppppp_

_Alright, I'll call your mum and tell her I'll be there. It'll be nice to be back home. I think. I'll be alright. I haven't seen your parents in ages and I really miss them (and Euphemia's mince pies oh my fucking god). I'll take some pictures and send them to you. I will NOT, though, go to Jolly Miller's and phone you in so we can do the pub quiz. I don't care how much you miss them or how long it's been since we've 'shown those fools what real genius is.' We're broke, James — we can't afford that fucking call._

_Maybe I can go and get the questions and email them to you. Or, oh my god, maybe I can convince Fleamont to be my partner. He looks exactly like you, I'm sure I won't even notice the difference ;)_

_I'm sorry that track is still giving you trouble — you're right, though, it's ALRIGHT, but it's not… it's not you guys. It didn't stick in my head and drive me completely mad like your songs usually do. I think all the pieces are there, though, it's just something about the way that it's coming together. You're probably trying too hard to force it at this point. Maybe take a break — leave the studio for more than six hours a day. Go on a walk! Eat some ramen! The song will be there when you get back and you'll be all the better for having fresh eyes._

_Don't you dare sit there and talk to me like you're some kind of idiot, though. You, James Potter, have written some of the most amazing music I've ever heard. We both know how brilliant you are. Just give yourself a bit of space. You've been in your head so much about this album and it's wearing you down. And I get it, it's your first album, but you still need to create space for yourself. Okay? Promise me that you'll go take a walk or something today. Maybe don't go into the studio at all! I'm sure Remus and Sirius will appreciate the fact that you're finally going to join them on what sounds like a nonstop adventure._

_But really — you'll figure this out, James. I believe in you. Just think about something else for a while and let the solution find you. You always worked best that way (remember when you used to do that on our maths exams in school? God I hated you so much for that. 'I don't know how I remembered the cosine rule, Evans. I skipped it at first but then it just came to me.')_

_I'll call you on Christmas so that you can talk to your mum and dad. How's noon-ish? It'll be a little late your time (don't you dare make fun of me for thinking 9pm is late, you git), but I think that'll work best? Otherwise it's really early for one of us, and, while I know Euphemia thinks 5am is an acceptable time to wake up (I still can't believe that you agree with her on this), some of us are more reasonable._

_Alright, I've got to go and get ready for work. Try to take it a bit easier on yourself, yeah? At least for the next few weeks? It's the holidays, after all, and you deserve a break just as much as anyone else. I love you so much, James. Pretend I'm there right now giving you a big hug, okay? I would be doing it if I were in the room, so just… I don't know, have Remus hug you and pretend it's me (I know you won't do that but you can't say that I didn't try to come up with a solution here)._

_I love you, I believe in you, and you're going to kill it._

_Love,_

_Lily xxxxxxxxx_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 29 March 2007 03:47_

_Subject: (no subject)_

_EVANS_

_OH MY GOD EVANS_

_I WANT TO JUST CALL YOU ABOUT THIS BUT YOURE DEFINITELY SLEEPING (I HAVE NO IDEA WHTA TIME IT IS THERE BUT I RECKON ITS LATE) AND SO I'M GOING TO SCREAM INTO YOUR INBOX_

_THE ALBUM. EVANS IT COMES OUT TOMORROW_

_Well, okay, we get the final copies of it tomorrow. It won't come out until next month. Or May, so I guess technically two months beause it's still March. Whatever. I'M SO EXCITED EVANS!_

_IM GOINGTO PUT YOUR COPY INT HE POST AS SOON AS I GET IT IN MY HANDS_

_CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET IT OK I DONT FUCKING CARE WHAT TIME IT IS HERE_

_LOVE YOU!_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 29 March 2007 03:49_

_Subject: re: (no subject)_

_Oh and Lily — thank you for all your support. You've carried me through more difficult times than I think you even know. Your love and support and encouragement has meant the world to me. The world._

_I love you and I miss you and I'll see you soon because, didn't I tell you, we're coming back from Japan in June._

_For good._

* * *

He'd thought that the relief would hit him the moment he stepped off the plane at Heathrow, that he would take that first deep breath of British air and he'd feel at home again.

It isn't until he's stepping off the Tube in Westminster, though, and thrown immediately into the swarm of people that always just seem to _be_ in central London that he really starts to feel like he's back.

Still. It isn't Liverpool.

But then he steps out onto the street and he spots her standing just a few metres up the pavement, and it doesn't matter that he isn't in fucking Liverpool because Lily is here, _Lily,_ and he hasn't seen her in ages.

He walks swiftly through the crowd surging around him, muttering apologies as he goes because he keeps knocking his things into people, and then he's there in front of her and his eyes find hers and her face lights up with that warm, wide smile he loves and he lets himself bask in it for a moment, just a moment, before he wraps his arms around her and crushes her to him.

'Fucking hell, Evans, I missed you.' He's talking into her hair and he's pleased to find that it still smells the same way it always did, that she still smells the same, feels the same. She smiles at him as she pulls back, this one impossibly larger than the last. 'I missed you too, James.'

She hesitates for a fraction of a second before she sighs and throws herself back against his chest. He chuckles and wraps his arms around her again.

'I can't believe that you're back,' she says, pulling back a bit. She's shaking her head at him like she can't quite believe that he's standing there in front of her, her fingers, still resting on his chest, gripping the fabric of his shirt as though to confirm that he's real.

He grins. 'I know. It's weird as fuck seeing English everywhere, I'll tell you.'

She laughs. 'Did you ever figure out how to read Japanese?'

'Nope,' James says. 'I could figure out a few characters, but I was basically useless. If we hadn't had Remus with us, Sirius and I would have ended up lost on more than one occasion.'

After enduring a few more angry stares from people weaving around them, Lily finally sighs and suggests that they get going. 'I've got to be back in,' she checks her watch, 'Fuck. Forty five minutes.' She shoots James a look. 'Are you sure you know how to get back to my flat?'

James adjusts his holdall, wraps his free arm around Lily's shoulders, and they start walking towards the bridge. He's trying not to bump her with the guitar slung over his back, but he knows that it's brushing up against her. Luckily she doesn't seem to mind.

'What,' James smiles down at her, 'you don't think I can figure out how to read a map?'

'I'm just saying,' Lily says, 'you've never really been to London before — '

'Oi, excuse me!' James looks at her, affronted. 'I've been to London loads of times. Do you not remember all those times I took the train down to visit you during uni?'

Lily rolls her eyes, 'Okay, yes, but I picked you up at Euston every time. And I don't live in that flat anymore!'

James grips her shoulder a bit tighter, pulls her more snugly into his side. 'Don't worry, Evans,' he says, 'I'll be alright. And if I get lost, I'll just live outside forever. It'll be fine.'

He can tell from the way she looks at him that Lily is seriously contemplating shoving him off Westminster Bridge and straight into the Thames.

Luckily she decides to spare him.

They end up at some small cafe that James, of course, doesn't know, but that Lily insists is brilliant "especially for the price point".

'You're lucky I knew about this place,' she says as they sit down. 'I never go out for lunch. I just happened on this place one day when I forgot mine at home and I'd forgotten to replenish my desk snacks.'

'Please,' he says, leaning over to grab a chip off her plate (and beaming at her when she tries to slap his hand away). 'I'd bet my guitar that you've got this whole city mapped out in your head with places you want to try.'

'Maybe a few bakeries,' she says, smiling at him over her drink.

James raises an eyebrow. 'A few?'

'Dozen,' she concedes.

It's one of the things he'd always found delightfully quirky about Lily, this habit of making long lists of places she wanted to eat, before he understood where it was coming from. It hadn't taken long for it to really click in his head where that habit of hers came from, especially once they got a bit older and she started properly complaining about her sister — how she was unbelievably spoiled and ungrateful and didn't she understand that Mum and Dad were doing the best they could.

They'd had the first big row of their friendship when she realised that James had started taking her to (and paying for) trips to many of the places she'd had on her list. They hadn't spoken to one another for two weeks — they were the longest two weeks of his life, made longer by his mother's endless lectures and admonishments about why he couldn't just throw his money around without thinking about how that might make someone else feel.

They weren't much better off than Lily's parents, his family. His dad was a librarian, his mum a teacher, and so even though they didn't make much, what they did make was stable. They were comfortable. The Evanses were always _just_ on the edge, stretching every bloody pence, and it got even worse when Lily's mum died halfway through Year Nine. Worse still when her dad got hurt the very next year and he couldn't get out of bed, much less work the shipyard, for the better part of a year.

And so it hadn't mattered that James was trying to do something nice because he hadn't thought about how she might see it. How he, with his job at the record store that earned him money that was just his, might seem to her when she was working late every night after school, saving what she could for uni while paying the bills her father couldn't, and her sister wouldn't, manage.

'Tell me a bakery I need to go to while I'm here then,' he says now, stealing another chip off her plate. This time, she does manage to smack the back of his hand and he barks a laugh at the contact.

'You have your own food, you prat,' she snaps. The effect is hampered by the smile on her face, though, and she knows it. James grabs another chip off her plate.

'I'm not going to tell you if you keep that up,' she says, sliding her food closer to her in hopes that James won't be able to reach it. James sighs, grabs a few chips off his plate, and drops them onto hers.

It's a familiar peace offering that makes her smile brighter. She gives him the name of a bakery she's been meaning to try, tells him that the pastry menu, last she looked, was completely divine.

'If you promise not to get lost on the way back,' she says, 'maybe we can go tonight when I get off work.'

'Seriously?!'

She shrugs. 'Why not. I've been meaning to go and you're in town and,' she sighs, shifts a little in her seat, 'it's not like like I can't afford it. I haven't done anything for myself in months.'

'And anyway,' she says, jumping back in before James can even open his mouth, 'I reckon I'm really close to getting my macarons to _look_ like theirs and I really want to compare the taste.'

Ah, there it is.

James smiles. 'Well, in that case, I swear I won't get lost.'

She raises an amused eyebrow at him and hums her utter lack of trust in his navigation skills.

'So tell me,' he says, completely ignoring the look on her face, 'how's work going?'

She sighs, but her eyes are starting to crinkle in the corners and she's got that look about her.

She's happy. She's so fucking happy and his heart is bursting with it.

'It's stressful,' she says, taking a bite of her sandwich. 'And I'm pretty sure I'm not sleeping _or_ eating enough, but I don't know.' She shrugs and the smile that had been flitting at the edges of her lips finally takes over.

'I love it,' she says, and now that she's smiling it seems she can't stop and the words start falling out of her in a rush. 'Minerva is — James, she's fucking brilliant. She's tough, you know, but she's _brilliant._ And she's just — she's so inspiring! There hadn't been a Labour MP in that seat for decades and she turned that seat against the incumbent! And she's held it since! Her campaign — James, that first campaign! It was a stroke of absolute genius, it really was! And every one since just — ' She groans into her hands, apparently at a loss for words, and James laughs.

'So, you like it, then?'

She shakes her head at him. 'You have no idea, James. No idea.'

'If that,' he draws a vague circle in the air around her head with his finger, 'was any indication, I reckon I have _some_ idea.'

'Oh shut up,' she knocks the inside of his forearm with the back of her hand. James just smiles. 'What? I'm happy for you, Evans.'

He falls quiet for a moment as he considers the words he says next. 'Your Dad would be proud.'

They're tricky words, even still, years later. He knows it'll never get easier, especially not as close as they'd been. Saying them runs the risk of dredging up everything that lives in a corner in her mind, but he thinks she might need to hear them.

With how often her dad used to talk to her about how she was going to change the world… he thinks she needs to know he'd be proud if he could see her now. He's sure she knows, but it always makes it that much more real when someone else says it.

'You think?'

He fights the wave of sorrow that rolls through him as her voice breaks. He nods. 'Without a doubt,' he says, 'I know I am, and that's _nothing_ to how he would've felt.'

She drops her gaze for a moment, looks at her hands as her fingers trace the edge of her plate. When she picks her head up again, she looks up at the ceiling, blinks away the tears in her eyes.

'If you make me ruin my makeup, I'm going to kill you,' she says with a weak laugh.

'You're always telling me that,' he says, 'and you've never once acted on it.'

'Don't tempt me. I might give it a go.' Her eyes seem to have dried and she's smiling at him again.

He grins. 'Uh huh. You'd be lost without me and you know it.'

She reaches across the table, winds her fingers through his, and squeezes his hand. 'Yeah,' she says. 'I reckon I would be.'

She's never done that before, taken his hand like that. They've held hands before, if you could call it that, when one of them has grabbed the other by the hand and dragged them somewhere or another (or, when they were kids, when they were helping one another climb over, into, or on top of things they shouldn't have been), but this is wholly different.

It's intimate. Maybe that's how to describe it. Because the way her fingers feel wound through his —

He returns the pressure and smiles softly at her. 'Feeling's definitely mutual.'

They finish their lunch with barely enough time for Lily to get back to her office, and so they're basically sprinting back across the bridge while Lily gives him directions back to her flat.

'Central line,' she says, as she rummages around in her bag for her keys, 'eastbound. Just remember that and you'll be alright.'

'Where am I getting off again? Stratford?'

He's smiling at her and she smacks him in the shoulder. 'James! I don't have time for this!'

He's nearly doubled over with laughter as she pushes her keys into his hand. 'I'm off the High Street,' she says, doing her best to ignore his juvenile outburst. 'Red door halfway up the hill, can't miss it.'

He takes a breath to steady himself, nods at her. 'Brill.'

'You're sure that you'll be able to get back here alright? I —' Her eyes go wide. 'Oh my god, do you even have an Oyster card?!'

'How do you think I got _here_? Lily — ' he takes hold of her shoulders and turns her so that she's fully facing him. 'Breathe.'

She pulls in a quick, sharp breath and James raises his eyebrows at her. She huffs, rolls her eyes, but takes another longer, slower breath. Then she sighs. 'Alright. You'll be fine, won't you?'

He nods firmly. 'Yes.'

She takes another breath and steps into him, resting her head on his chest as his arms move to wrap around her shoulders.

She feels nice there.

'Alright.' She smiles at him as she pulls back. 'I'll see you this evening, then. Try not to destroy my flat.'

James shoots her a wink as he takes a step back. 'No promises.'

Lily's fretting, it turns out, hadn't been entirely baseless.

He takes the Circle line in the wrong direction for half a dozen stops before he finally realises his mistake — there's a brief moment where he considers just riding is all the way round, but he has no idea how long that will take, and if he's late back to Westminster that evening, Lily will absolutely kill him. And _then_ he nearly gets on the Central line going the wrong way when he finally gets to Liverpool Street. Once he's on the ground in Leytonstone, though, it's a lot easier, because it's not like the High Street is hard to find.

He might get a _bit_ turned around at first, but it ends up alright.

Lily's flat is in a narrow grey building just a few feet up from a small alleyway that's got nothing more than a bench, a tree, and a few wheelie bins. The building's old, an age made evident by the weathered black and white tiles on the floor in the entry and the rough, but definitely original, moulding around the high ceiling. He climbs the narrow, carpeted stairs, shifting his guitar on his shoulders so he doesn't knock one end of it or the other against the wall.

The door creaks as he pushes it open and again as he shuts it behind him. The door to the room directly across from the front door is open as he walks in, and James knows immediately that it's Lily's — she's got that Liverpool poster he got her for Christmas years ago on the wall opposite, it's _mostly_ clean in that way her things are usually _mostly_ organised — and he can't help but smile to himself. The room on the right, he guesses, must be Mary's room.

He walks down the narrow corridor, steps down into Lily's lounge and, completely unexpectedly, bursts into laughter.

Her lounge — it's almost exactly like how it had been in Liverpool and he can't contain himself. All the furniture, of course, is her dads, and Lily's set it up almost exactly the same way it had been for their entire childhood. James sets his things down along the wall where they're at least partially out of the way, and crosses the lounge to the couch. He settles immediately into his spot, well, what _used_ to be his spot, in the corner, the one that he swears, now, is still perfectly fitted to him even though it's definitely been a few years.

He clicks the telly on, though he doesn't really mean to watch anything, and pulls his mobile out of his pocket. Lily's texted him half a dozen times over the last hour and he cringes, anticipating her response to his _so sorry just didn't think to check for messages, love_.

He feels a bit bad when she tells him she was worried he'd gotten lost and decided to live in some random tube station for the rest of eternity.

He promises to make it up to her.

She tells him he better, and her wink emoticon, in the context of everything rolling around in the back of his mind, is suddenly both cheeky and confusing.

His pads around for the rest of the afternoon, bouncing between things for an hour or so before he becomes restless and decides to take his notebook outside and wander. It's an especially good plan because, as much as he doesn't want to think about it, about Lily and this… this _thing_ that seems to have bloomed in his chest where she's concerned, he can't stop thinking about it when he's in her flat.

She's everywhere. That'll be alright once he figures out what the fuck that means to him now, but, in the middle of things as he is, he needs a bit of space.

He's also got a few songs he wrote on the plane that could use a bit of editing.

So he wanders back out into the street — after checking he's got Lily's keys about a million times — and tries to sort out his songs.

He's getting on well with it, having settled on that bench in the alley beside Lily's, until Sirius texts him and he asks him if he's snogged her yet.

James huffs, pushes himself to standing as he stuffs his notebook into his trouser pocket and starts to walk down the hill.

He really should just blame Sirius for all of this, it would be a lot easier. And also probably not entirely far off the mark when he considers that Sirius has spent the better part of the last four years trying to convince him that his relationship with Lily is not the friendship James continues to insist that it is.

'You just want me to be living in a fucking romance,' James had always said whenever Sirius fought him on this. 'You want me to show up at her flat in the rain with a radio or something and tell her I'm in love with her.'

Sirius always vehemently denies it, but he brings it up so fucking often because "I've seen the way you two makes eyes at each other," that James absolutely does not believe him.

Maybe Sirius has just finally gotten under his skin.

But then, when he really lets himself think about it, there's the way that she'd felt against him when they'd hugged this afternoon outside the tube, the way he'd immediately recognised the smell of her hair, and how that, how all of it, had felt like coming home. How her fingers wound through his at lunch felt new and exciting but also just… right.

He's not any clearer on things an hour later as he starts towards the Tube station.

He pulls his mobile from his pocket as he turns onto Church and let's Lily know that he's on his way. He holds it in his hand for the rest of the walk, hoping she'll message him back, but when his phone doesn't vibrate, he sighs and stuffs it back into his pocket and begins rummaging around for his Oyster card as he walks down the tunnel into the station.

This station is definitely dingier than the ones he'd been in in Central London, but he appreciates it all that much more. He likes the mosaics on the walls and how quiet it is. He likes that there are three turnstiles on either side instead of dozens. He likes the grit under his shoes as he walks and the way that the sound of him walking on it it echoes down the tunnel.

There's something about it that feels like home to him. And maybe it's the fact that Lily makes this walk every day, but he doesn't feel like that's it. At least, that doesn't feel like the whole of it.

He waits on the platform — the correct one, he's confirmed it a dozen times — for a few minutes before a train rolls in. He absentmindedly pulls his notebook back out of his pocket as he takes a seat towards the front of the carriage.

He doesn't finish anything, but he gets a few bits and pieces.

A few really good bits and pieces.

When he gets off the tube in Westminster — this time, he's managed to get there without a single misstep — the station is packed. He manages to make his way through the crowd, a feat he finds much easier to accomplish without a holdall over one arm and a guitar strapped to his back. His mobile starts to vibrate in his pocket as soon as he steps out onto the pavement, one, two, three, _four_ times, and he looks down at the screen. Lily, Lily, Remus, Lily.

He's tapping out a reply to Lily's latest, a quick _I'm here where're you,_ when he hears his name.

'James!'

He looks up from his phone in the direction of the sound — Lily is standing just beside the Tesco Express, almost exactly where she'd been a few hours before.

He grins and stuffs his mobile back into his pocket.

'I was just texting you back,' he says when he reaches her.

'I should've thought you'd be in the Tube. I wouldn't have texted you so many damn times.'

James shrugs. 'I don't mind. I've got unlimited texting now.'

Lily snorts, and he knows she's remembering all the times she'd chastised him over the last few years about that very thing. 'That's right, you have.'

'You're welcome for that by the way,' he says, following her lead as she pushes off the wall and starts walking down the pavement. 'You'll the only one that ever texts me that much.'

'Please,' she rolls her eyes at him. 'We both know that Sirius texts you constantly.'

James raises an eyebrow. 'And what evidence do you have to support that?'

'He texts me crying that you haven't texted him. And then we make plans about how we're going to get you back.'

James scrubs a hand over his face. 'Why did I introduce the two of you again?'

Lily grins as she slips her arm through his. 'Because you love us both very much and knew that nothing would make us happier than becoming the best of friends?'

James reaches over and rests his hand on top of hers, gives her a look that he hopes is as pathetic as he's going for. 'As long as he doesn't replace me.'

'Please,' Lily says again. 'No one will ever replace you.'

James is all twisted up in his feelings for the rest of the walk.

They walk into the bakery about forty-five minutes before it closes at six, but still, it's nearly half six by the time they're walking out the door holding a bag of pastries each because Lily hadn't been able to resist talking to the owner (Gideon, apparently) about everything under the sun. James had leaned up against the wall and watched them, wide smile on Lily's face as Gideon told her about his recipes, about opening the place with his brother, about all the things they're hoping to offer as they continue to grow the business. He'd basically given her his entire life story — something that happened to Lily more often than it did with anyone James had ever known — and Lily had eaten the entire thing up.

Now, though, they're walking home, munching on the things Gideon had insisted they have, and Lily is talking in that rapid fire way she does when she's really excited about something.

'I just —' She takes another bite of her espresso macaron and groans so loudly that a few people on the street near them turn to look. 'It's just so fucking amazing that they made these,' she says, nodding down at the macaron. 'They _made_ these! HOW?! It's fucking insane to me! Can you imagine being able to make things like that?!'

James shakes his head. 'No, but my baking is complete shite. I don't know why you're surprised, though, you've made things like this.'

'Shut the fuck up,' Lily says, shooting him an incredulous look. 'I have not!'

'Do you remember those almond croissants you made the last time I visited you?'

'God, James, I barely remember last week, of course I don't remember those.'

'Well, _I_ remember them, and they were delicious as fuck. They were as good as anything we've got in these bags right now.'

Lily flushes just a bit, a light wash of colour across the curve of her cheek. 'I — thank you.'

She shifts her pastry bag to her other hand as she steps closer to him and loops her arm through his.

They walk in silence for a while, Lily's fingers brushing lightly against his forearm as she adjusts her hold on him. He barely resists the shiver that runs through him whenever she does that, runs her fingers along the inside of his arm — but then he feels like he's so keyed up that every single thing she does is suddenly monumental to him. He feels everything — the warmth of her arm, the light bump of her hip against his, the brush of her hair as the wind blows it off her shoulders and into his upper arm — and he feels it everywhere.

It seems impossible to him that this is Lily. That it's the same Lily he grew up with, the one he used to climb trees with and jump off shit with and have sleepovers with. The one who punched Teddy Nott in the face in Year Five because he told James that he and his family "should go back where they came from" and then punched him _again_ in Year Nine because he apparently hadn't learned his lesson the first time.

He's having a hard time time reconciling his current feelings for her with everything that he remembers his feelings to have been — he finds himself looking at them differently, wondering if the things he's feeling now, or at least the potential for them, have always been there, or if he's just seeing her differently now.

If it's the latter, he isn't sure what's changed. He isn't sure where to go from here. He, for once, isn't sure that he would be able to figure out where her head's at on this without directly asking and if it were anyone else, he would just ask, but this is _Lily,_ and she means too much to him to just throw out a casual "so I think I might want to kiss you, but I don't know — what are you thoughts on this?"

And anyway, he still lives a two hour train ride away from her. He can't bring himself to open something just to sit it back on the shelf. It's not fair to her. To either of them.

'I'm really glad you're here,' she says, smiling up at him as they turn to walk into the tube station and she disentagles herself from him. 'I hadn't realised how much I missed you until you were here again.'

He grins, tries to knock himself back into humour because it's a lot easier to function on that level than on the weird, emotionally confused one he finds himself on now. 'I can't believe you didn't know you missed me. You must not have missed me at all.'

Lily smacks his arm, lighter than she probably wanted because they're on the escalator and she _probably_ doesn't want to have his death on her hands.

'You're such a twat,' she says, laughing.

'I just mean,' she takes a breath and her voice is more serious again. 'I just mean that I didn't realise how much I missed you until the —' she flushes brilliantly, 'until I didn't have to miss you anymore because you're here. Like — fuck, I don't know. I've never been the best with words, that's your thing.'

They scan their Oyster cards and James can't help but be impressed at the way she starts moving through the station without even checking the signage to see where she's going.

'I know what you mean,' James says. It's been a few minutes, but he knows that she knows what he's talking about. 'Like you've had a hole that you've been pitching all this time and energy into and now it's closed and you have all the things you normally would have put in there. And you realise how much you'd been giving up.'

Lily nodded, 'Yes. Exactly.'

The train arrives a few minutes later and they manage to find a pair of seats in the centre of the carriage. She yawns as they settle in and James smiles at her as the doors close.

'Tired?'

She nods. 'Not sure how you're not. Aren't you fucking exhausted?'

He shrugs, hums noncommittally. 'Yeah. But you know how I am.'

'That you'll drive yourself right into the bloody ground before you finally relax?'

He nods. 'I always regret it, but you know I can't help myself.'

She shakes her head at him. 'We could've stayed in tonight you know,' she says. 'Gone to bed early.'

'I know. But I wanted to go out with you. See London and all that.'

She raises an eyebrow at him. 'You only saw a bit of London. Not even my favourite bits.'

'There's always another day,' he says, and he leans his head back against the window, closes his eyes for a moment. 'I'll take the train.'

'You better.'

She shifts a bit closer to him on the seat, leans over and rests her head against his shoulder. He can just feel the light brush of her breath against his neck, and he's surprised (though he probably shouldn't be, not at this point) at the surge of feeling that runs through him. He's as surprised by the intensity of it as he is by the clarity it gives him.

She'd told him in two seconds what he hadn't been able to sort out for himself all bloody day.

He wakes her as the train pulls out of Leyton.

'Evans.' He leans down, turns a bit so that he can almost see her face. 'Evans, we're almost home.'

She presses her eyes closed and James smiles. Some things, apparently, hadn't changed at all since they were kids.

'Don't be like that,' he says, and he knows she can hear the amusement in his voice because she huffs, turns and buries her face into his neck.

'I guess you're going to live on the train, then? I'll let the driver know.'

She groans, her breath hot against his skin, and he barely suppresses a shudder.

'Come on,' he says. 'I'm _as_ tired as you are. I promise we'll run home and we can go right to bed.'

Lily huffs and sits up just as the train slows to pull into Leytonstone station. 'So long as there isn't any _actual_ running,' she says.

James grins. 'You have my honour.'

It isn't even that late — the sun is still very much up as they climb off the train and start down the stairs into the station — but the jetlag he'd been managing through is now starting to hit him in waves. He's desperate to talk about something, anything, to distract from the fact that he would really rather just curl up on the street and sleep there than continue up the hill towards Lily's flat.

He asks her what time she gets to work every day. Not one of his more thrilling topics, but it will at least help him understand why she seems to be as bloody exhausted as he is.

She sighs — apparently, just thinking about it is distressing. 'I leave the house pretty early to catch the seven o'clock train into town. Minerva doesn't get into the office until nine most days, but I like to be there at eight to get some things together before she gets in.'

James laughs and shakes his head at her. 'Of course you do.'

She nudges him with her elbow. 'Being this impressive takes a lot of effort.'

They chat about her work as they continue up Church, talk about her career plans as they start up the High Street. He impressed, but not at all surprised by, the amount of detail that has gone into her planning. She's thought of every step she has to take, come up with contingency plans — he really is going to end up seeing her on the cover of The Guardian one day because she's the fucking Prime Minister or something.

She laughs when he tells her this.

'I am not,' she bumps her hip against his. 'I don't even know that I want to run for office or anything. It was just an _option_.'

'You'd be great at it, though,' he says. She smacks him on the arm and tells him to shut up, but he doesn't care because he means it. He tells her as much.

'Well, I don't know,' she waves a dismissive hand.

'Just don't rule it out until you know for sure. I'd move and vote for you.'

She laughs. 'You bloody would, wouldn't you?'

He nods and she shakes her head. 'What if I was running for a seat in… I don't know, Cornwall or something?'

'Some sacrifices are worth it, Evans. I'd live anywhere if it meant I got to put you in office.'

She rolls her eyes at him again as she takes his arm and rests her cheek against his upper arm. She's doing it to shut him up, he knows that, but it works anyway.

James still has her flat keys in his pocket, so he unlocks the door when they arrive, fumbling awkwardly with the bottom lock for a moment while Lily laughs beside him.

'It wasn't this tricky this afternoon,' he says, frowning at the lock until it finally clicks open. Lily just laughs. 'It sometimes gets it in its head that it doesn't want to open,' she says, taking the keys from his hand as she walks past him. She grabs the post off the mat and heads upstairs.

James huffs as he shuts the door behind them and starts up the stairs behind her. 'Well, that's really fucking rude.'

She shoots him a look over her shoulder. 'It's a door.'

'Okay?'

She laughs quietly and shakes her head at him as she opens her flat door.

'I would offer to put the kettle on,' she says as she toes her shoes off onto the floor underneath her coat rack, 'but I think you're just going to bed, yeah?'

He yawns then and she smiles at him. 'I could make some cocoa though? If you'd like?'

James shakes his head. 'Nah, that's alright, Evans. Let's just go to bed.'

She looks at him for a moment, a look on her face that James can't quite interpret. It's gone before he gets a good look at it, though, and she smiles at him. 'Alright. Bathroom's in there,' she points to the door just down the hall from them. 'I'll just grab you a pillow and some blankets while you get ready?'

James nods as he steps back down into the lounge and starts sifting through his holdall.

When he emerges from the bathroom a few minutes later, freshly changed, he notices that Lily's bedroom door is closed. She must hear him walking back down the corridor, though, because she shouts, 'Are the things on the sofa good?'

He walks down into the lounge and smiles at the blanket she set out for him — it's the old knitted one that had lived on the back of the couch at her parents' place their entire childhood, the one he'd slept under dozens of times. He smiles to himself as he drops the pillow at one end and spreads out the blanket.

'Yeah,' he calls back. 'It's perfect.'

He hears her door creak back open a few minutes later, but he's now too busy sorting through his holdall to find his damn mobile charger to look up and see what she's doing. He's sure that he remembered to pack it, he'd checked the place they were staying in Japan like a million times before he'd left and he remembers putting it in there, but now he can't fucking find it for the life of him, and —

'Hey.'

She's standing on the bottom step into her lounge when he turns around, a look on her face that he can't quite read. It's like the one she'd worn for a moment just a few minutes before — intense, maybe, is the word for it. But even that doesn't seem right.

He just knows that it's different. That he's never noticed that look in her eyes before.

When their eyes meet, she smiles at him. 'Just wanted to say goodnight.'

James crosses the room while Lily watches him from her spot on the stairs, her gaze moving from his face and travelling over him as he gets closer. He tries not to flush under her gaze because there's something different in it now, there's a heat, but he can't tell if that's her putting it there or his own wishful thinking, and so he just comes to a stop in front of her, her face just a few inches below his on the step.

'Good night.'

She smiles at him, reaches forward and wraps her arms around his middle. 'Good night.'

His arms move immediately, instinctively, around her as she leans into him. She holds him there for a minute, and though part of him is paranoid that she's going to be able to feel how much his heart is racing, that she's going to know exactly how much he's freaking out, the rest of him can't be arsed about any of that as long as he gets to hold her for a minute.

She pulls back a bit and lifts her head to look at him — they've been this close before, but this is different and he doesn't think that he's alone in feeling that because the look in her eyes is unlike any that he's seen there before, except now that he's looking it kind of reminds him of the way she used to look at Tommy Cavanagh in sixth form and he's busy riddling out why _that_ is where his mind goes first when she's leaning back towards him and his heart climbs into his throat and promptly stops beating.

She brushes her lips against his cheek and though a small part of him is freaking out about how that must have felt to her (he hasn't shaved in probably three days, though maybe it's been two because Japan is so far ahead and he doesn't really know how to figure that out when he's this fucking tired because now his jetlag is hitting him like a fucking train), the rest of him goes wonderfully, blissfully silent.

All that exists in that moment is Lily and her lips against his skin.

She moves back more fully then, smiles at him. 'Good night,' she says again, and James lets his arms fall from her shoulders as she steps backwards up the stair to the corridor and turns on her heel to walk to bed.

He watches her go, catching her eye as she turns to shut the door to her room. He can't quite tell from this distance and in this lighting, but he thinks she might be blushing when she waves at him and pushes her door closed until there's just a crack left.

He settles down onto the couch, letting the exhaustion start to take over as he pulls the blanket up and over himself. He leans over to set his glasses onto the centre table and shifts a bit until he finds that sweet spot on the couch, the one he still remembers from when they were kids and he was sleeping on this sofa every damn weekend. When he finds it and relaxes into the cushions, he stares at the ceiling and thinks, for just a moment before he falls asleep, about how different the world looks now that Lily's turned it upside down.

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 9 July 2007 21:04_

_Subject: re: re: re: LIVERPOOL!_

_We're doing a show on Friday at the Krazyhouse (good ol Krazyhouse) — I don't know if you fancy a late night, but we'd love to have you (obviously). We're going to be doing a few smaller shows across the UK for the next few months, especially once (shhhhhh) our singles start dropping next month in prep for the album's UK release._

_If our manager asks, I absolutely did not tell you that. Ok? She would literally have my fucking head for daring to say anything to you before she was ready for it. And I guess I should probably listen to her (she's the professional after all) but you know tha t I can't bear to keep things from you, Evans._

_In the spirit of full disclosure, actually, I should tell you that we're going to be doing a show in London in September. So if you want to wait until then to come see us, I guess I can't blame you._

_Though to be clear — I'll absolutely blame you if you ALSO skip our London show. My poor heart couldn't take all the rejection._

_It'll be nice to be back in London again. I know I was just there visiting you, but I miss you. Though I'm always missing you, so maybe that's not that interesting._

_It just seems rude as hell that I was in London for two days and then headed North. I know that I planned it, Evans, don't tell me that I could have scheduled it differently. I know I could've. I don't know why I didn't, come to think of it. I could've stayed with you for weeks and weeks (or until you kicked my sorry arse out)._

_Well alright, we've got shows, so I guess I couldn't have. WHATEVER_

_Anyway — we're happy to be back North, so mayb eit was for hte best. We've been — you'll like this — we've been writing/playing in the lounge at my parents' place since we got back. It's been a nice change after being locked in that studio in Japan for months — the acoustics are kind of shit but Dad plays mum and so we're never in need of tea/snacks/general support. Oh, Dad also wants me to tell you that he says hi. He also said some other more embarrassing things, but I'm absolutely not going to tell you those._

_Alright, Remus is starting to shoot me looks, so I think I need to start paying attention to them all again. We've been working on this new song that I really think you're going to like._

_I'll send it once we've got a demo done._

_Love, James xxxxxx_

* * *

_SMS Messaging_

_15 September 2007 - 01:32_

_Lily Evans: I KNOW I ALRWADY TOLD YOU TO YOUR FACE_

_Lily Evans: BUT HAMES THAT WAS THE BEST FUCKING SHOW IVE EVER BLOIDY BEEN TO_

_Lily Evans: IM TEXTING THIS SO YOU CAN SCREENSHOT IT AND AAVE IT DOREVER_

_Lily Evans: I LOVE YOU SO MYCH YOU FONT EVEN KNOW_

_James Potter: Evans. Go to bed. I can hear you giggling_

_Lily Evans: YOU DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO HAME S POTTER_

_James Potter: I'm going to take your phone_

_Lily Evans: YOURE MAEN_

_James Potter: I love you too_

_James Potter: drink some water and go to sleep. You can tell me I'm brilliant in the morning_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 2 December 2007 11:33_

_Subject: fwd: Big News_

_WHATEVER ANYIONE SAYS YOU AREN'T READING THIS EMAIL OKAY_

_LILY!_

— _begin forwarded message —_

_To: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com); Remus Lupin (rjlupin@gmail.com); Sirius Black (siriusb@gmail.com)_

_From: Kay O'Hare (okay@dvmanagement.co.uk)_

_Date: 2 December 2007 11:32_

_Subject: Big News_

_Guys —_

_You're in._

_Not sure what stage you'll be on yet (a lot is tbd over the next few months — if we make a big push we might be able to get you more central), but no matter what, Glastonbury 2008 is yours._

_Talk later about the new single drop/shows for next year. Until then, celebrate accordingly!_

_Best,_

_Kay_

* * *

_SMS Messaging_

_15 February 2008 - 06:30_

_Lily Evans: fuckkkkkk I don't want to be awake_

_08:11_

_Lily Evans: you seriously aren't still asleep? Even I've been up and out of the house for an hour already_

_13:34_

_Lily Evans: James…._

_17:01_

_Lily Evans: ARE YOU DEAD_

_17:23_

_Lily Evans: I'm calling 999 if I don't hear from you by the time I go to bed. Which is still ten in case you were curious_

_19:47_

_James Potter: fuck. Evans, I'm sorry, I've been in studio all day. Call you in a mo?_

_Lily Evans: yeah alright you great prat_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 2 March 2008 19:31_

_Subject: I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry I've been ignoring you, Evans._

_And you're either sitting there going YOURE DAMN RIGHT YIURE SORRY POTTER or you're thinking I have nothing to be sorry for._

_It's one or the other — it's a toss up, really._

_Either way, I'm sorry I've been ignoring you._

_This won't make up for it, but, as ever, you're going to be the first to know — we've been recording a second album._

_I KNOW we just got off tour for the first and I KNOW that it's probably crazy and I KNOW that these were supposed to just be a few singles that we put out so that we could build our UK base but. Well. It's also me. So…_

_It's been…. Evans, it's been so good being home. I've just been so bloody inspired (god I'm cringing just writing that but it's true). I miss you every minute, especially being back here because it's like you're everywhere (is there ANYTHING that we didn't do as kids, I swear), but overall, I'm glad that I'm back._

_Anyway — have these. Let me know what you think._

_Love, James xxxxxx_

_Attachment: track1.mp3_

_Attachment: track2.mp3_

_Attachment: track3.mp3_

* * *

_To: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_From: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_Date: 17 August 2008 09:17_

_Subject: GUESS WHO I SAW IN THE PAPER_

_guardian.co.uk/music/2008/aug/17/marauders-second-album-release_

_God, James, can I just — I know you're probably going to roll your eyes or something, but I am just so fucking proud of you. I know you know that, but I hope you KNOW that. You have worked so goddamn hard, all of you, and just — I'm so glad that it's starting to pay off._

_You three are fucking brilliant. You deserve every single thing the world has to offer._

_On a related note — I will never understand how you all manage to bloody write and record as much as you do. You played Glastonbury this year! You planned another fucking UK tour! AND a European tour! WHERE IN THE FUCK DID YOU FIND THE TIME?!_

_I really cannot even begin to understand you._

_It really is amazing, James. I know that you don't think so, but you've been wrong before ;)_

_I'd love to come (finally) see you in Liverpool (I love that you kick off tour there, by the way. It makes me absurdly happy), but I've got that work conference in Stockholm then (I know, I can't believe it either). I WILL, though, be in town during your London dates — let me check my calendar, but I think the 9th May will be best._

_Did I tell you, oh my god, I don't think I did — I was listening to those tracks you sent me a few months back at work the other day and MINERVA HEARD THEM. SHE ASKED ME WHO IT WAS. SHE LIKED THEM._

_James you don't even fucking know how embarrassing my reaction was. I basically gave her your whole life story while screaming about how brilliant you are/how much I love you and THEN THE NEXT DAY SHE CAME INTO WORK WITH A COPY OF YOUR FIRST ALBUM AND ASKED ME TO HELP HER PUT IT INTO HER MUSIC LIBRARY._

_I'll keep you updated — she likes to give me updates on things that I've recommended to her, so I'll let you know what she thinks. I think it'll be good, though, because I heard her listening to it the other day in her office._

_Call me later tonight? I've got to work a bit late, but maybe you can call me on my walk home from the tube round 9ish?_

_Love,_

_Lily xxxxxxxxx_

* * *

_SMS Messaging - 9 May 2009 11:52_

_Lily Evans: SIRIUS AND I ARE IN A FIGHT_

_James Potter: what_

_Lily Evans: WE'RE JSUT IN A FIGHT._

_James Potter: about…_

_Lily Evans: Nevermind_

_Lily Evans: Where are you_

_Lily Evans: Last train leaves soon, we gotta get home_

_James Potter: there in two, gotta find and yell at sirius_

_Lily Evans: WE CAN DO THAT TOMORROW COME ONNNNNN_

_James Potter: alright alright alright. Meet me out front by the lamp post_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 12 July 2009 17:29_

_Subject: re: re: fwd: North American Tour — Summer 2010_

_I KNOW!_

_I knew our second album was good, but I never fucking expected it to catch on in the US. And I definitely never expected that it was going to catch on the way it did. Who knew Americans had decent taste after all?_

_And yes — I'll send you millions and millions of pictures. You know I'd do anything for you._

_Fuck Kay is glaring at me okay bye xxx_

* * *

_To: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_From: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_Date: 3 December 2009 09:17_

_Subject: !!!!!!_

_guardian.co.uk/music/2009/dec/3/marauders-us-tour-dates-tickets_

_https://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/exclusive-download-marauders-aggressive-clever-new-single-20091203_

_JAMES!_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 20 June 2010 17:37_

_Subject: New Yorkkkkkkk_

_Look at that skyline_

_Oh and Sirius running away from a pigeon because he thought it was a rat (Remus and I will reenact it for you when we get home because oh my god Evans. We almost fell into the street and got run over by a cab and it would have been fucking worth it. It was THAT hilarious)_

_Show, while we're here, was fucking amazing. If the rest of this tour is anything like that first night, we're going to have a great time in America. Even the second show (remember, we had to add the one and Kay nearly had a stroke because THE SCHEDULE) -— even THAT one was great. It was kind of last minute and STILL it filled._

_It's actually happening, Evans. Like really actually fucking happening._

_Holy shit._

_Xxxxx_

_Attachment: newyorksky.jpg_

_Attachment: scaredsirius.jpg_

_Attachment: stageselfie-newyork1.jpg_

_Attachment: stageselfie-newyork2.jpg_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 24 June 2010 17:48_

_Subject: Hello Mr President_

_Said hi to Obama for you. Sirius said we should pop in for a visit, but Remus (luckily) convinced him that it wouldn't be worth the stint in prison. I hope you enjoy the picture we got someone to take of us though. We all look embarrassingly happy like the tourists we are._

_Also, here's a picture of Sirius doing something entirely inappropriate to the Washington Monument. Remus would like the official record the show that he discouraged Sirius from acting like that in public, but I'm here to tell you, Evans, that he did no such thing._

_Remus helped pose the bastard so they could get the shot._

_You can tell him I told you that._

_Xxxxx_

_Attachment: whitehouse.jpg_

_Attachment: james-sirius-remus-whitehouse.jpg_

_Attachment: siriuswmonument.jpg_

_Attachment: stageselfie-washingtondc.jpg_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 27 June 2010 18:02_

_Subject: If I see one more peach street….._

_Literally Evans — there have to be dozens_

_Even REMUS got us lost a few times._

_Attached you'll find the best picture I think you've ever seen in your life._

_Though, alright, maybe that pigeon picture beats this, but only just._

_Also look at this damn thing they made me take a picture with. Evans, it was so embarrassing. 'But the joke is too good to miss, James!'_

_I'M FINE WITH MISSING THE JOKE, REMUS._

_Heading west as we speak, so we'll have to start thinking a bit harder to figure out what fucking time zone we're in. The middle of America just seems…. Like a blur? I don't know that we're really even in the middle? America is too big. It's fucking confusing._

_And YES, Evans, I'll get you a picture of a cactus. I swore, didn't I? I would never lie to you._

_Xxxxxx_

_Attachment: bigchicken.jpg_

_Attachment: jamesandthegiantpeach.jpg_

_Attachment: stageselfie-atlanta.jpg_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 4 July 2010 20:18_

_Subject: chais in chi-town_

_No, we didn't only go get chai tea so that we could make this joke_

_(alright yes we did)_

_LOOK AT THAT WEIRD BEAN THOUGH. Sirius kept walking around it like his fucking arse was going to find a way to climb it. Luckily we managed to talk him out of it._

_It's the fourth of July here, so apparently they are going to be setting off all kinds of fireworks here shortly. We're still in the van. Still driving west. We probably should have scheduled ourselves more interesting stops (believe it or not, Rapid City, South Dakota is neither rapid nor a city), but I don't think we're going to have anything to fucking send you._

_Remus says that we're driving through the flat part of America for a while and that we'll get to see some mountains at the end. I'll take some mountain pics for you if we see anything good._

_I miss you. Say hello to London for me. Oh, and Sirius says to blow Minnie a kiss for him and tell her that 'Sirius Black sends all his love to our biggest fan'_

_He's such a prat, I swear to god._

_Xxxxxxxx_

_Attachment: thebean.jpg_

_Attachment: chai.jpg_

_Attachment: stageselfie-chicago.jpg_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 6 July 2010 19:59_

_Subject: we didn't mean to stop here but_

_WE SAW BUFFALO! BISON! WHATEVER!_

_EVANS! LOOK AT ALL THESE ANIMALS!_

_I fucking lost my mind and Sirius made fun of me (and Remus too but the liar says that he was laughing about something he 'JUST REMEMBERED' so I threatened to push him into one of those vent things and he sort of stopped but I saw him and Sirius making eyes at each other so he didn't really)_

_We were driving along in the middle of nowhere (very exciting) and Remus saw a sign and goes 'Oh my god, we're really close to Yellowstone!' and because it was the middle of the day we were like fuck it and went._

_Thank god we had the extra time in our drive schedule. We'll have to drive through the night tonight, but it was worth it._

_Lily, it was fucking beautiful. You would have loved it. We've got to go here. We'll plan a trip. There are tons of these damn parks here, we can make at hing of it. I know that I was literally just complaining like two days ago about "Rapid City" BUT EVANS. THIS WOULD BE WORTH IT. SAY YOU'LL GO WITH ME_

_Fuck my turn to drive. Alright love and miss you wish us luck on our way to Seattle! LAST STRETCH OF THIS DAMN DEATH DRIVE_

_Xxxxxxx_

_Attachment: bison.jpg_

_Attachment: elk.jpg_

_Attachment: mountains.jpg_

_Attachment: hotsprings.jpg_

_Attachment: james-sirius-remus-yellowstone2010.jpg_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 9 July 2010 20:18_

_Subject: it's not that rainy here?_

_I feel deceived. HERE I WAS believing that Seattle was this chronically rainy place. IT DIDN'T RAIN ONCE WHILE WE WERE HERE._

_And I know, you're like 'that's not evidence James,' BUT IT'S EVIDENCE TO ME, EVANS._

_Anyway — show was fucking GREAT. Evans, you would love Seattle (despite the fact that it's not rainy). Maybe a bit too much coffee and too little tea for your taste, but I think you'd like the vibe. It's probably a bit too slow for you to live there, esp after London, but you'd love a visit. We'll add it to our Potter and Evans See America 20? Tour agenda and you can let me know for sure._

_On an unrelated note — look at how attractive we all are in that second picture._

_Xxxxxx_

_Attachment: spaceneedle.jpg_

_Attachment: duckboat.jpg_

_Attachment: stageselfie-seattle.jpg_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 12 July 2010 20:18_

_Subject: per your request_

_Yes. He did that (look at the last one)_

_Also, I'll have you know that we took a special day trip just to get these (except the welcome sign — I took that for you when we crossed the border). Remus was all 'James we don't have time for this' and 'if we're late getting back to LA I'm going to kill you' and 'James we have a show tomorrow' — I resisted because IT WAS FOR YOU, EVANS._

_Also like we were so fine._

_Oh my god, I've been in California five minutes and I sound like them. EVANS!_

_Xxxxxx_

_Attachment: welcomesign.jpg_

_Attachment: cactus1.jpg_

_Attachment: cactus2.jpg_

_Attachment: cactus3.jpg_

_Attachment: siriuscactus.jpg_

* * *

_To: Lily Evans (lilyevans@gmail.com)_

_From: James Potter (jfpotter@gmail.com)_

_Date: 14 July 2010 20:18_

_Subject: we're coming home!_

_I'm not ashamed of my tears in the Beatles picture. Not even remotely ashamed._

_Though, Hollywood Boulevard, by the way — Evans, it fucking smells like feet. I feel like America lied to us by making it look all glamourous. It is NOT_

_On the bright side — we ate SO. MANY. FUCKING. BURRITOS. in LA. I'm honestly surprised that we could do that Hollywood sign hike (also lmao at Sirius trying to pretend he was too good for it. Look at his damn face in that picture)_

_We're headed to LAX right now, like RIGHT as I'm typing this email. I'm so excited to get home and see you, Evans._

_I'm catching a flight into London so I can stop and see you — Sirius and Remus are flying back into Liverpool️ and I'm already dreading being alone for the next million hours. I KNOW we could've flown together, but you also know I have to see you, so._

_I'll be fine. I'll get a book. And lots of snacks. Maybe write some new stuff ;)_

_I'll text you when I land so you know when I'm getting on the tube (should be around three yours, so I'll be there after work). SEE YOU TOMORROW!_

_Love, James xxxxxxx_

_Attachment: hollywoodsign.jpg_

_Attachment: beatlesstar.jpg_

_Attachment: james-remus-sirius-burritos.jpg_

_Attachment: stageselfie-la.jpg_

* * *

This time, relief floods through him the moment that he steps off the plane at Heathrow. Though really, it's not relief so much as it is a mixture of emotions that he can't separate well enough to describe clearly. He's calling them relief because that's almost what it feels like when they're all blended together like that.

Still, the feeling is distinct from the one he'd had when he'd returned from Japan. He's still coming home, he's still excited to see Lily, but there's a different colour to it this time.

He'd landed a few hours earlier than he'd told Lily he would, and so he has plenty of time to go to his flat (his brand new flat in Battersea, the one that's just a few blocks away from their new studio), and drop all his tour shit into the middle of his very empty bedroom. He doesn't even have a bed in there yet, but he's going to meet Sirius back up in Liverpool later this week to commission a lorry and so he'll have a bed before the week is out.

He'll just kip on the floor until then. Or maybe Lily will take pity on him and let him sleep at hers.

He really has no idea how she's going to react when she finds out that he's been lying to her for a few months, though, so he's not counting on it. He scans the floor to try and find the softest looking floorboards before he leaves.

He pulls his mobile out of his pocket as he walks out the door, taps out a quick message to Remus and Sirius — _I took the small bedroom, you're welcome x_ — and jogs back down the stairs to the street. It's hard to keep the spring out of his step now that he's here, _home,_ to stop his mind from rolling everything around and around until he can't focus on a goddamn thing.

He's going to see Lily today and it's been an age, another full fucking age, and he wants to focus. He has to focus.

Still, the tube ride is a bit of a blur, mixed up in his excitement and the weird energy he always gets after travelling. He comes to when he gets to Westminster, and now that he's so close to seeing her, he gives up any and all attempts to get a handle on himself. His hands are shaking and he fumbles his Oyster card a few times and the people behind him in the queue are pissed off about it and he knows he should care at least a bit more than he does, but all he can think about is getting up to the street and spilling out onto the pavement because he knows that Lily is going to be there waiting for him.

She's standing, again, just beside that Tesco Express, her face turned expectantly towards the exit as she searches the crowd for him. Her face lights up when she sees him, about a head taller than everyone else, walking across the pavement towards her, and she starts sliding through people to get to him.

She throws her arms around him the moment she reaches him, and the feel of her in his arms again…. God, it's _home._

He might not have found the courage to admit it to her yet, but he's glad that he's finally letting himself feel it.

She runs her hands down his arms as she pulls away, and the feel of her hands against his skin…. But then she's stepping back and looking at him like something's not quite right and his stomach bottoms out.

'Where's — ' She runs her eyes over him again, confusion blooming on her face, and he barely bites back his smile as it clicks in his head what's puzzling her. 'Where's all your stuff?'

'What stuff?'

God, he's a bastard. But _god,_ look at that look on her face.

'Your — James, your guitar and your bag and — Where's all your shit?! Did someone take it off you?'

This time the smile overwhelms him before he can stop it and she's gaping at him, increasing confusion creasing her brow. He slings an arm around her shoulder, starts them walking towards the bridge, and lets himself get distracted — mildly — by the way his fingertips are brushing up against the bare skin of her upper arm.

He knows he's pathetic, Sirius has spent the better part of the last few months telling him so (between long and rambling speeches that all sound something like _I told you so_ ), but he can't possibly be _this_ bad. Not yet.

(He is.)

'So, there's something I haven't told you, Evans,' he says. She turns her head so quickly to look at him that he's surprised she doesn't stumble. Her eyes are boring into the side of his head, but he refuses to look at her. He needs to get this whole thing out and he's not going to if he looks at her.

'It's nothing bad,' he continues, 'it's uh,' he runs his free hand through his hair, 'I reckon it's a good thing, actually.'

'Okay….'

He takes a deep breath. 'Now that we've got this manager — '

Lily sighs over the rest of his sentence. 'You've had a manager, James.'

He holds up a hand. 'Let me finish.' He turns to look at her this time, grin tugging at his lips, because he knows that she's going to be glaring at him and he isn't disappointed. He pulls her into his side with a low chuckle and continues.

'Now that we have this manager, we have a lot more connections than we used to. And she knows the people that run this studio in Battersea and hooked us up so that we can start doing our recording there.'

'Okay…' Lily's looking at him like she still doesn't understand the connection, or, maybe more accurately, like she doesn't want to believe the mental leap she's made.

'So, we thought — Remus, Sirius, and I — we thought that, you know, since we're going to be recording in London, we might as well just — you know — live here.'

He drags it out as much as he possibly can because he never can resist irritating her.

She stops in the middle of the bridge and James jolts to a halt as his arm catches around her shoulders. He slides his arm from around her, turns to face her, and ignores the angry mumbling of the people that are now weaving around them. He's well aware of how much space they're taking up on the pavement, but he can't bring himself to care.

'You're — you're moving? To London?'

'Dropped my stuff off in the flat before I came here.' James is smiling so widely he's surprised that he can get the words out. 'I don't have a bed or furniture or clothes or — '

Lily smacks him right in the centre of his chest before she throws herself at him.

He just laughs and laughs into her hair, because _god,_ if that isn't the most Lily response.

She pulls back after a moment and beams at him, absolutely fucking beams at him, and _god_ he wants to kiss her when she's looking at him like that, like she's so unbearably happy she can barely contain it, and knowing he's the cause, that his decision is what's making her feel that way… he wants to kiss her so badly.

He just tucks her back into his chest for a moment, lets her laughter waft over him, before he turns and they finish making their way across the bridge.

The next few months are… god, they're nothing short of magical.

He's still in the studio all the time, but they live just up the street and so, for some reason, that helps him feel like he doesn't have to be there all the time. Like he doesn't have to commit to a full day, just a few hours whenever they need it. He's more productive than he's ever been, something that Lily comments on with increasing frequency (she threatens to push him into the Thames when he grins at her and says that it just sounds like she's a bit jealous).

The city, too — it's an inspiration all its own. He'd loved living in Liverpool, will love that city forever because it's home, it's his heart, living and breathing outside his chest, but London. _London._

He understands, now, why Lily wanted to move here. He understands why she never came back.

The 4£ pints and endless tourists are a bit fucking much, but there's something about the way this city is moving around him that makes it all worth it. He's drawing off the energy of it, can feel it coursing through his veins, and yeah, it's a bit dirty, a bit grimy, but that might be what he loves best about it. The shiny, polished parts of Westminster, the streets of which he's now so familiar with from meeting Lily that he's sure he could draw the map from memory, are nice, but they're nothing set against London as a whole.

He's writing almost every day, notepad in hand as he walks the streets in Battersea, and he knows that people probably think he's completely mad, talking to himself, humming melodies, and scribbling furiously on his notepad as he is, but he doesn't mind. It helps him think and helps him get the words just right, and it's nice, now that he doesn't need the guitar in front of him anymore, to hear the chords in his head when the city's backing — it makes the sound feel deeper, grittier, and he finds himself trying to replicate that sound once they're back in the studio and everything is quiet.

So much of what he writes for the first, well, few _months_ end up being a love letter to London as much as it is anything else.

Sometimes Liverpool will sneak her way in, but it's a memory now. Something hazy that he doesn't always really remember. Or at least, that he doesn't feel like he's remembering properly now that he's got London's bright lights in his eyes.

It's clearest to him, Liverpool, when he's talking to Lily, because now that he's in London, they eat lunch together whenever they can find the time away — more often than not, it's packed lunches they take to the park outside Parliament, but sometimes, if they're feeling cheeky, they'll go and grab something from one of the places Lily knows of nearby. He almost always meets her with a notepad full of ideas, of things he saw or thought or dreamed up while he was on the train, and she brings him stories of the goings on in Westminster, the things she can't believe she heard, the things she wants to change.

They can't do it nearly often enough, but he'll take what he can get.

Besides, now that he's in London, they meet for all sorts of things — drinks and dinner and sometimes, when they let Sirius plan the night out, dancing — and he doesn't really need to miss her anymore because she's almost always there, if not in person, she's there in GMT on the other end of the mobile and sometimes, in his cheesier moods, he would swear that she's in the very air he breathes, like the city has steeped in her and he couldn't escape her if he tried.

That feeling, when he's honest, is a lot of what's pushed him to write so much. Trying to sort out what he should do with all these feelings he's been holding close to his chest.

He still catches himself looking at her, too long, too much, too seriously, and he tries to reign it in before she sees it on his face, before she figures out that he hasn't stopped thinking about her for more than five seconds in the last, well, damn near four years.

Sirius insists that it's mutual, this feeling that James has been nursing for Lily. Tries to convince James that he's seen the way she looks at him when she thinks no one else is looking. James hadn't believed it, mostly because he couldn't let himself imagine it, but then Remus noticed it one night while they were out with Lily at her local all the way out in East bloody London, and neither one of them has let James forget it since.

'You've got to tell her,' Sirius had said, rolling his eyes and shooting down James' predictable protests. 'What's the fucking point if you don't tell her?'

James has even stopped looking to Remus for help, because the bloody traitor says that he agrees.

He doesn't tell her, mostly because he isn't sure what to say.

He does start trying to write about it, though.

He doesn't tell anyone, not at first, but then he slips one day while he's talking to Lily (because _of course_ he's talking to her) — she'd asked how his day was and he'd sighed and said it would be better if this fucking verse would cooperate and she offered to give it a listen like she always does and he'd been so damn awkward when he told her no that it was a surprise and he wasn't sharing it just yet — and now she asks after "That Mystery Song" from time to time, and every time it gives James heart palpitations.

She doesn't push him, though, which he appreciates. Except maybe he needs to be pushed.

He's never been this hesitant with anyone else. It's driving him (and Sirius and Remus) a bit mad, especially because they know what he's usually like. There's just so much more on the line here, so much more at stake, because this is Lily and she's everything. At this point, though, he's probably built it up so much in his damn mind that it's making it seem impossible when really it's no bigger cliff than any other time you confess your feelings for someone.

Maybe it's a marginally bigger cliff, but only marginally.

Before, right after they'd gotten back from Japan, it was easy to rationalise his decision to keep his feelings to himself. He'd just gotten back from a year-long trip abroad and needed to get his bearings, Lily was still fairly new at her job and had a lot going on, he didn't even _live_ in fucking London and he didn't want to have to ask her to commit to something that wasn't going to be full time (or something that wasn't at least going to seem full time).

James wanted, assuming she would have him, to be able to give their relationship everything. He wanted to go on dates, hang out, just go on walks around the city and hold hands and be _that couple._ He couldn't do that if he was living a two and a half hour train ride away.

And then there was the fact that he was in that place in his career back then, when they'd released their first album and it was doing _alright,_ but he wasn't sure if that was going to translate into any wider success and he needed to be able to take the time to focus on making his career, making their band, what he wanted it to be. He couldn't give 100% of himself to both things.

He could, theoretically, have a conversation with her now, now that he feels like he's got his feet under him and they're living two trains away from one another.

Still, though, he stays quiet and lets himself sit in that weird, awkward place where he wants things that he doesn't really know how to put into words. Because, what, really, does he want his relationship with Lily to be?

Everything doesn't seem like a clear answer, and yet it's the only one that he can come up with.

So he persists over the course of the next year.

Luckily he has writing and recording to distract him. Kay also sets up a bunch of interviews for them, a few shoots, and so those, too, get him out of his head for a few hours. And they remind him that people, especially the Americans who have apparently just realised they existed, are already desperate for new music.

He uses their desperation as an excuse and then suddenly it's been a year, they've released a few singles, he's got another full track list, and he and Remus and Sirius are in the recording studio nearly all the time. Then they're planning a new UK tour, a small thing to kick off the third album they haven't yet announced, and he still hasn't fucking told her, and then it's January and they're packing up the van to head north to Liverpool and he still hasn't said a damn word.

His silence might be totally pathetic, but it does seem to make him outrageously productive.

He'd offered Lily a spot in the van that morning as they were packing up, told her (mobile shouldered to his ear as he tried to hold an amp steady) that she was more than welcome to join them on their drive up to Liverpool, especially since she was planning to, finally, join them for their kickoff show anyway.

'It'll be fun,' James had said. 'We can put on our thickest accents and yell about peasant things until Sirius goes all aristocracy on us.'

She'd laughed. 'We'd win that before we even got out of London.'

'Fuck, you're right.'

'I usually am.' James had heard the smirk in her voice and rolled his eyes.

'Anyway,' she'd said, 'as much as I'd love to join you, I really can't take off work. I'm just going to grab the train up tomorrow evening after work.'

Still, he has fun on the drive up to Liverpool. He sends Lily as many videos as he can manage of Sirius saying particularly obnoxious things, texts her "Northern Updates tm" and then ignores her for an hour after she laughs at him for not knowing how to get his phone to autocorrect to the proper trademark symbol.

When they pull up outside his parents house a few hours later, his mum is waiting outside the door. She rushes them as they get out of the van, pulling Remus, Sirius, and finally James into hugs in turn.

His mum pulls back when she finishes hugging him, looks around for a moment, and frowns. 'Where's Lily?'

James barely represses a sigh. 'Mum, I told you she wasn't coming until Friday. She's gotta work.'

Her frown deepens and James raises an eyebrow at her. 'What, your one and only son isn't enough for you?'

His mum shoots Remus a look over James' shoulder before she meets his eyes again. 'Yes, James,' she reaches out and pats his cheek, 'you're lovely. But I haven't seen Lily in too long and I was really hoping she'd be with you.'

James rolls his eyes. 'I'll invite her to lunch before we leave on Saturday. How's that?'

She sighs. 'It's what we're just going to have to go with, isn't it?'

Luckily, his mum is then distracted by "the state of you boys" and has to focus on feeding them and roping Dad into making them tea instead of continuing to guilt James about Lily's absence.

He really has missed his parents, guilty looks and dramatic sighs aside.

The rest of the day, and most of the next, passes in an anxious blur.

They've taken over the lounge again that afternoon, laughing to themselves as James' dad bustled in with a tea tray just around three, but for the most part, they try to keep themselves (well, more accurately, Remus and Sirius tried to keep James) from staying inside and practising too much.

They have it. There is no use in obsessing over anything at this point.

And anyway, they are about to be all over the place for the next month — they need to take what relaxation time they could get while it was still available.

Still, even as they leave the house and walk around, as they watch the boats pulling in and out of the harbour, James can't help but think, at least a little bit, about the set tomorrow night.

The one where he'll be playing "That Mystery Song" for Lily for the first time.

The song that basically tells her he's hopelessly in love with her and please, if you're open to it, can we give this a try?

He'd been so nervous the first time he'd played it in rehearsal, waiting for Sirius (because it would definitely be Sirius) to tell him that it was too much — too sappy, too pathetic, too cliche. But they'd just sat there when James finished, both of them, and told him that it was one of the best damn songs he'd ever written.

'Really heart on your sleeve,' Sirius had said, 'but still. This song is fucking brilliant. People are going to love it.'

James had flushed violently. 'I —'

Sirius waved his off with an impatient hand. 'Just shut up and bask in your brilliance.'

It had gotten easier to play it in front of them in rehearsal after that first go, but it still makes him anxious every time he lets himself think about it because of what the song is, what it's supposed to say. It's his "I'm too terrified to tell her in person" escape card and the anxiety he has about the whole damn situation makes its way into the sound and he can't fucking stand it.

It was supposed to be a little nervous, the song, but nervous in the way that new things are always a bit nervous. A feeling that stems from the overwhelming excitement and the wealth of possibility. This anxiety still very much comes from his uncertainty about the whole goddamn thing, and it's a very, very different sound.

He'd worked on it over the last few months far more obsessively than he's willing to admit to anyone, and he thinks that he might be somewhere close to where he wants to be. It's where he's at, so he's got to accept it for what it is at this point.

When they arrive at the venue the following evening — Krazyhouse, their old favourite — he's a walking bundle of nerves. Sirius tries to shake him out of it a few times (nicely at first with a few jokes or ridiculous stories that he likes to keep in his pocket for times like these, but then it eventually deteriorates into Sirius pitching balls of paper at James' head across the room), but nothing that anyone says or does has any actual effect.

He's going to tell Lily that he loves her today. He's going to tell her in front of a crowd of people while _also_ trying to gauge whether or not they like the new music that they're playing. And if she doesn't get it through the damn song, he's going to have to buck up the courage to tell her again after the show because he can't keep holding onto this anymore.

He's fine.

He's absolutely completely fine.

His mobile buzzes about an hour before the show is set to start and Sirius laughs heartily at the speed with which James pulls the phone out of his pocket.

'Someone's excitable.'

James holds his fingers up at him and texts Lily back to let him know that they're in the dressing room.

'Lily coming back, then?' Remus asks. His expression is neutral, but James can tell from the way that he's avoiding looking James directly in the eye that he's biting back a smile.

James nods. 'Yeah. She just texted to say she was here and asked where we were.'

Remus stands before James even finishes speaking, reaches down and grabs Sirius by the elbow. 'We're going to go grab a snack, then,' he says. 'Want anything?'

'You don't have to —'

'I know,' Remus does smile at him then, a warm, encouraging smile. 'We're going to give you some space.'

Sirius frowns at Remus. 'I want to see Lily.'

Remus shoots him a stern look. 'You'll see her tomorrow.' He turns back to James. 'Seriously, want a snack? I'm bloody starving.'

James half shrugs. 'Just like a packet of crisps or something? I'm not that hungry.'

Remus nods and, before Sirius can protest too much, drags him out of the room.

They're gone for a few minutes when there's a knock on the door. James swallows his nerves and crosses the room to open it and is immediately nearly knocked on his arse when Lily jumps into him.

'Hi!'

He laughs and wraps his arms around her, giving her a brief squeeze before he steps back and grins at her. 'Hi. I just saw you a few days ago.'

'I know,' she walks past him and settles herself onto the couch just inside the door. 'But it's so exciting seeing you _here_ , you know? We both haven't been in Liverpool for like, five years.'

'Shit,' he closes the door and sits beside her on the sofa, close but not so close that they're touching. 'I hadn't realised it had been that long.'

She turns on the sofa to look at him and her knee presses up against his thigh. 'I know,' she says. 'I've missed it here. I forgot how much until I was getting off the train and then it just kind of hit me, you know?'

He nods, lets his arm fall along the back of the couch. 'Every time I come back from tour it feels like that.'

'Really? That sounds exhausting.'

James shrugs. 'I love it. Travelling and getting to see new people and then getting to come back home and see you. It's amazing.'

She considers him for a moment and he feels himself flush a bit under her gaze.

'How was your train ride?'

She grins at him. 'Lovely, actually. I got a little work done, got to relax a bit… It was great.'

James smiles at her. 'Good. Where are you staying tonight, by the way? Some fancy hotel?'

She laughs. 'Just 62 Castle. I had half a mind to stay in one of those Posh Pads, but the price was absurd. It's fucking Liverpool, I'm not paying a hundred pounds a night.'

'I feel like I need to be offended on behalf of our lovely city, but at the same time…'

She nods. 'I know. Most hotels here are like half that price. I don't know where they get off charging that much.' She rolls her eyes. 'But 62 Castle seems nice. It's within walking distance of here, anyway.'

James nods and Lily smiles at him. 'Where are _you_ staying tonight?'

There's a knowing look to her smile and James nudges her — that turns out to be a mistake because it shakes loose whatever control she'd been holding onto and sets her laughing at him.

'I'm not so rock and roll that I'm afraid to stay with Mum and Dad,' he says, grasping at whatever's left of his dignity and straightening his shoulders. 'Besides, you know Mum would figure out where we parked the bus and drag me home herself if I dared stay anywhere else while I'm home.'

Lily concedes the point, but only because she knows his Mum as well as she does.

'You should come over to ours for lunch tomorrow,' he says.

'Aren't you leaving tomorrow?'

'We're not setting out for Blackpool until mid-afternoon. And anyway, Mum will never forgive me if you don't come over.'

Lily nods seriously. 'She'd strike you from the will, she would.'

'Exactly. And I know you don't want that on your conscience.'

Lily rolls her eyes. 'No, of course not.'

James grins. 'Thank god. Because she's _already_ cross with me about the fact that you got a hotel for tonight instead of staying at ours. She couldn't stand another disappointment.'

'Oh for the love of god,' Lily starts laughing, 'She was not that upset about it when we talked about it last week — '

'Now, Evans, don't pretend like you aren't depriving her. Lunch isn't nearly enough time to buzz around you talking about how thin you are and shoving food into your hands.'

'At least she leaves my hair well enough alone.' Lily doesn't even try to contain her amused smile and James nudges her again.

'Alright,' she says, 'well I'll text her and let her know.'

'She still doesn't know how to respond to texts,' James says.

Lily raises her eyebrow. 'What are you talking about? Euphemia and I were texting the other day.'

'What?!'

She laughs. 'We can sort this drama later. Right now, you have a show to prep for.'

James sighs. 'Yeah, alright.'

They stand and James walks her towards the door. Lily smiles at him as she turns to face him and steps closer, presses her hand to the side of his elbow, and stands on her toes to kiss his cheek.

He almost tells her right then. But he doesn't want to just get it over with because she's too important, this is too important, and so he brushes his lips lightly against her cheek in return just as she starts to pull back, smiles at her as she turns to walk away.

He hears a voice, Sirius', in the corridor when Lily steps through the door. 'Mighty quiet in there, Lil. Snogged him to death?'

He hears the soft bump of something hit the wall and Lily say, 'Fuck off, Sirius,' before the door finishes closing behind her. He should walk out there and make sure Sirius is alright, but Lily didn't sound cross, so James reckons Sirius'll be fine. And anyway, where Sirius is, Remus usually is, and Remus is almost as good as James is at talking Lily off a cliff.

'Must you _always_ harass her?' James asks as Sirius and Remus walk into the room a few minutes later.

Sirius raises an eyebrow and laughs in a way that makes James very nervous. 'Trust me, she's fine.'

James looks to Remus, but Remus just shrugs. 'I'm only going to check him when he's wrong.'

James huffs a sigh. 'You both are the worst.'

Sirius rolls his eyes as he flops down onto the sofa along the wall. 'You keep saying that, and yet here we are.'

James is all set to argue, but then Sirius grabs Remus by the hem of his t-shirt and pulls him down onto the sofa beside him, and James knows it's a lost cause.

The next hour flies by. They can hear the openers from their room as they pull the final details together for the set, and James is glad they chose these kids because they're really, really fucking good. They're a similar kind of sound, with fast, rocker riffs and bright, pop-y melodies, but these kids have a bit less synth and a slightly different feel to the sound — it's a great compliment to what they're about to roll out on stage with.

They hear the applause, somewhere between polite and enthusiastic, as their final opener heads off stage. Remus stands, reaches down for Sirius' hand and pulls him to his feet, and they meet James in the middle of the room. James beams at them, the excitement clear on all their faces.

'Ready?'

Sirius claps James on the shoulder. 'Abso-fucking-lutely.'

The crowd starts screaming the moment the lights dim, and they only get louder when Remus, leading them all, steps out onto the stage and walks behind his drum kit. Sirius waves and blows a few kisses as he grabs his bass off the holder, and James gives him a light shove out of the way so he can grab his guitar.

He starts scanning the crowd for Lily as he moves behind the mic stand off to the right of the stage, his fingers reaching out to adjust his keyboard a bit as he continues to search. Really, he hadn't needed to look so far, though, because there she is standing in front of him, her hands resting on the barrier meant to keep the crowd from surging forward onto the stage. He tries to tell himself, as they make eye contact, that the nerves rolling in his stomach are the usual pre-gig jitters, but he's only partially successful in convincing himself.

But he's got four songs to get through before he gets to the really nerve wracking part, and so he pulls his gaze from hers, finds Sirius', and mouths out the time.

And then they're off.

No matter how much he tries to lose himself in it, it's in the back of his mind as he plays, the fact that in three and a half songs, he's going to fling himself off an emotional cliff. He has no clue if Lily's going to join him or if she's already there waiting for him at the bottom, but he knows that he'll never forgive himself if he doesn't try.

And anything he can have with Lily is worth it — even if she rejects him, her friendship is enough. She's etched onto every single piece of him and whether she wants them to be friends or, god even thinking it, something more, he'll be that.

No matter what, they're unstoppable.

The last notes of the first song ring out, and James shoots Sirius a broad grin before he walks over, bumps Remus' fist and grabs a water bottle off the speaker near his drum kit. When he returns to the mic, his eyes find Lily's automatically and she's a bit sweaty, already, from the crowd and her hair is almost as much a disaster as his always is and she's smiling at him and _god,_ the way that his heart balloons in his chest is so euphoric it's almost painful and he's surprised he doesn't just blurt it out right then and there.

Instead he clears his throat and leans into the mic. 'Liverpool! It's fucking great to be home!'

The crowd explodes and he beams.

'So as you might know,' James says, a smirk tugging at his lips, 'we've been writing a bit recently, and, well, Liverpool, we wanted you to be the first to know —'

The crowd loses it again and James pauses, a broad smile on his face now. He catches Lily's eye and she's bloody _beaming_ at him and James feels his heart swell in his chest.

'We've been writing a bit,' he continues, 'and we've been in studio a bit, and we'd like to officially announce that we'll be releasing our third album in March!'

The crowd had gotten progressively louder as James spoke, but it was damn near pandemonium when he finally finished. He didn't know how anyone out there heard a damn word he said, but they'd seemed to, and their reaction — it was absolutely brilliant.

'So now we're gonna play you a song off that new album, if that's alright with you.' He turned and caught Sirius' eye as the crowd shouted its approval and, after counting them off, James started moving his hand over the synthesiser.

It gets a bit easier to relax the closer they get to that fourth song, especially when they're playing a new song and he's got to focus a bit more to make sure he doesn't lose track of the lyrics in his head. No one would know, Sirius told him a million times, because no one's heard them, but he would know and Lily would know and he wants to get it right, so he loses himself a bit in the focus. But then they slide easily into that third song, a favourite off the second album, and he's played this so many times in so many venues, and he's got the space to worry again.

The coward in him wants him to keep his eyes off hers as the fourth song comes to an end and he leans forward into the mic to chat a bit about what they're about to play, wants him to look anywhere else. If he doesn't see the recognition dawn on her face, he can't be tripped up, and maybe, if he's not looking at her, she won't know that he means her, that this song is for her, and maybe he won't have to do this today, won't have to tell her that he's spent the last year and a half thinking about her in a way that is definitely not friendly. But he wants her to know, she deserves to know — he can't hide it anymore, anyway, not when he feels like his feelings are leaching out of him every time they're in the same room.

She has to know, and so his braver side wins out. His eyes find hers as he adjusts his guitar and don't waver once.

The nerves are still there bubbling in his chest, but once they start, his fingers rolling over the familiar keys, Remus and Sirius' backing bit in his ears, whatever nerves are still there are funnelled into the music. It had been so much harder before, in the build up and the anticipation, but now he's here and he's doing it and it's alright. He'd known it would be, somewhere in his head, but it's alright.

He's still looking at her, still trying to read her, but the song's got its teeth in him and it's unhinging his anxiety, giving it an outlet. It's what he's always loved, why he's always played — everything else can fall away for a few minutes, everything in his chest can work it's way out.

There are stakes to this, he knows there are stakes, but he's already accepted whatever comes, and so he leans into the ease of the notes under his fingers and injects what he can into his voice.

He thinks he sees something like recognition dawn on her face when they hit the first chorus, and he's torn between being surprised it took her that long and impressed that she figured it out so quickly. He can't take time to riddle that out, though, not when she's looking at him like she is _._ Even in his wildest visions of what this moment would look like, it hadn't come anywhere close to the reality.

Because she's looking at him with an expression that looks like everything rolling through James' own chest, like the world is opening up in front of her and she's fucking thrilled, like every single inch of her is buzzing with electricity, like she can't wait to get her hands on him as soon as this damn show is over. The way she's looking at him lights him on fire and he knows that she can see it on his face, can hear in in the certainty that's injected itself into a song that, every other time he's played it, has wavered with hesitation.

He can see Sirius looking at him in his periphery, but it would take an act of god to get him to look away from Lily right now. They're building to that last chorus, the one after most everything falls away for a moment and it's just the quiet tap of the drum and the barely there bass and his voice — he presses his hand to his heart in the brief moment between playing the guitar and the keyboard and she shakes her head at him in that way she does and _god_ it's hard to sing through the smile on his face.

He manages it, but only just.

The rest of the show is a blur — he's got so much energy storming through him that he's all over the goddamn stage (he's almost as bad as Sirius — almost) and every time he catches Lily's eye, she's singing along, and it's like an epinephrine injection straight to the heart.

They roll back out for their encore, play one more song off the new album and that dancehall hit off the first to close out the night. He catches Lily's eye as they close out, tips his head to the side to indicate that she should make her way backstage.

She grins, nods, and disappears.

It takes him a few minutes to get off the stage, mostly because he _just_ catches himself as he's ripping his guitar off and getting ready to throw it into the rack and he makes himself slow down. Sirius grabs him by the shoulders and shouts something James doesn't quite catch into his ear, and James just rolls his eyes (because that's usually the correct response) and reaches out to clap Remus on the arm before he trots down the stairs along the back of the stage.

The crowd is still screaming and he knows they want them to come back and maybe they might've done any other night, but tonight is not going to be that night.

He's got to find Lily.

He has no idea, though, now that he's walking swiftly through the backstage area, his eyes scanning the space, just where Lily is going to be and he's kicking himself because maybe he should have said something to her before the show about meeting after and then maybe he would have had some idea where she is but he hadn't and — he rounds the corner towards their dressing room and she's there, leaning up against the wall. She's got her mobile in her hands and she's rapidly typing something on her screen, the edge of her lip between her teeth and the beginnings of a smile on her face and _god_ if his heart doesn't swell in his chest just looking at her.

'Lily.'

She looks up the moment he says her name and the smile she'd just been containing overwhelms her face. She types one last thing into her phone before she clicks the lock, slips it into her back pocket, and starts walking toward him.

He meets her halfway.

They're standing just a bit closer than they normally would, close but not quite touching. It feels, though, like the space between them is crackling with electricity, and the way she's looking at him, and the way he knows he's looking at her — everything is shifting. Every single thing. And he can feel it all moving underneath his feet.

She steps closer to him and he mimics her, following her lead because it's the most natural thing in the world for him, following where she leads and orbiting around one another. The edge of her jacket is brushing up against his thigh, but the space between them, their bodies, only seems to have heightened the electricity thrumming through him, made him hyperaware of everywhere she is and everywhere he wants her to be.

'That was my mystery song?' Her voice is quiet, but it seems so loud in his ears.

He nods. 'That was your mystery song.'

'It was great. I think it might be my new favourite.'

'Yeah?'

She nods. 'I shouldn't really have been surprised, though. What, with what Sirius has been telling me for the past few years.'

'Sirius —'

He sighs and she grins at him. 'We're both pretty stupid, apparently.'

He breathes a laugh and it's like a pressure valve releases in his chest. She reaches forward, grabs hold of the hem of his t shirt beside his hips, her fingertips grazing his skin. He moves closer and her smile softens a bit as she considers him.

'You reckon we oughta give this a go?'

Her voice is still soft, still a bit playful, but there's something else there, too, something that makes his heart race.

He resists the temptation to shrug, to play it cool. He doesn't have to, not with Lily. Not about this. Not about anything.

He nods, steps a bit closer, puts a hand on her hip.

'If you're open to it.'

He thinks about running his fingers through her hair, brushing his thumb over the curve of her jaw, but he holds off until she smiles at him.

'Yeah,' she says, and he can't stop the smile he's giving her in return as he reaches up and lets her hair flow through his fingers. 'Yeah, I'd like that.'

He breathes a laugh as he steps closer still, until there isn't a breath of space between them. He leans down, watching her, and brushes a kiss along the apple of her cheek, presses another at the hinge of her jaw. Her breath is hot against his neck and it's coming in shorter, sharper bursts as he kisses lightly along her jaw.

'Is this alright?' He presses a kiss just underneath her ear and Lily's grip tightens on his waist as she exhales sharply.

'Yeah,' she moves one of her hands from his waist, threads her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck, brings his gaze back to hers for a moment. And though there are a million things changing between them, though they're crossing lines that they can't uncross, nothing about it is terrifying anymore. Nothing feels uncertain.

This is Lily and nothing has ever felt so bloody perfect.

She smiles at him then, and James knows that she knows exactly what he's thinking. They're both smiling when Lily finally pulls his mouth to hers.

It takes a moment to feel it out, to get the rhythm just right and to stop smiling long enough that they can actually fucking manage the thing, but then he's properly kissing her and James would swear on his life that nothing has ever been this good. He's almost overwhelmed by sensation — the softness of her hair between his fingers, the firmness of her lips against his, the way she tugs gently on his bottom lip with her teeth, the brush of her fingertips along his jaw. She's everywhere, pushing her hips against his, running her hand along his side and over his chest, tracing her tongue along his bottom lip until he groans into her mouth. She smiles at him then, and James just wraps his arms tighter around her waist, presses her to him.

'What do you think?' she asks, moving to start trailing kisses along the underside of his jaw. He doesn't know how she knows that this is one of his biggest weaknesses, but she's smiling against his skin as she does it and so he's certain that, if she didn't know before, she certainly does now.

He doesn't have to ask her what she's talking about. 'We should never stop doing this. Snog forever.' He's out of breath and so the words come out in between soft gasps, and Lily's grin widens as she presses a light kiss to the top of his pulse point. He moans again, a bit louder this time, and she's still so bloody proud of herself when James pulls her mouth back to his.

'Oi!'

They both immediately pull away and look, James turning a bit, towards Sirius standing down at the end of the corridor, the smuggest grin on his face that James has ever seen.

'What?' James sees Lily cock an eyebrow at Sirius out of the corner of his eye and he turns, gives her a smile.

'Nothing, love,' Sirius says, striding towards them. 'Just glad that you and our boy James here finally sorted this nonsense out.'

'You're such a prat, Sirius, I swear.' Lily rolls her eyes at him, shakes her head, and laughs.

Sirius just winks. 'It's really cute when you pretend like you don't love me.'

Lily reaches out and smacks Sirius' forearm. He takes her hand and presses a kiss to the back, and she snorts, rolls her eyes again.

James raises an eyebrow at Sirius. 'Where's Remus?'

'We're sorting it with John to get all the equipment back into the van. He sent me to tell you that you're off the hook for tonight.'

'But —'

'James.' Sirius' voice takes on a rare earnest quality, and James immediately falls silent. 'Go.'

James nods, turns his gaze back towards Lily as he steps back a bit. 'I've just got to get my bag out of the dressing room.'

She nods and it takes all his self control to keep from fucking sprinting into the room.

'Finally come to your senses I see,' James hears Sirius say back out in the hall.

'Yeah, yeah, yeah,' Lily says. 'Don't gloat.'

'Now, Lil. You know that goes against my nature.'

'Isn't _that_ the fucking truth.'

James grabs his mobile from the table in the corner and taps out a quick message to Remus — _thank you x_ — before he tucks it into his pocket and turns around to start gathering up the rest of his things.

How his shit always ends up all over these goddamn dressing rooms, he'll never know.

'I'm happy for you two,' Sirius says, and James can't help but be shocked at the seriousness in his voice, at the softness of his tone. Lily's quiet for a minute and James is sure that she, too, must be a bit surprised.

'Thanks, Sirius.'

When James walks back out into the corridor a moment later, Lily's got Sirius wrapped up in a hug.

'James,' Sirius says when he notices James in the doorway, 'your girlfriend is trying to kill me.'

Lily is laughing and pushing Sirius off her before James can even string two words together.

'Shut up!' she says, but Sirius just grins at her and kisses the back of her hand again.

She shakes her head at his as she reaches over and takes James' hand, threading her fingers through his. 'It's disgusting how charming you are.'

Sirius' grin widens. 'It really is unfair. But we can talk about that another time. You two crazy kids need to get out of here.'

They laugh and say goodbye to Sirius one final time before Lily squeezes James' hand and starts leading him down the corridor.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://elanev91.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Also - I posted [a chat I cut from this fic on tumblr](http://elanev91.tumblr.com/post/171383244159/a-chat-i-cut-from-we-could-be-gigantic-i-didnt) if you want more from this universe. You can thank [@icklewolfiekins](http://icklewolfiekins.tumblr.com/) for this brilliant idea


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